So maybe you’ve had a big one or perhaps that long weekend isn’t as long as you’d like it? No fear, the art of the sickie is here to salvage you. Tread carefully and lie with caution, if you get caught out you’re well and truly screwed. But by picking an ailment that’s unquestionable makes it impossible for a boss to press on with questions. Just don’t do that crappy hoarse sick voice on the phone, they’ll see right through you.
#1 Highly Contaigous Illness
Pick your poison but no matter whether it’s just early stages or full blown containment time, it would be irresponsible to let you come to work. Unless you work in a solo office of one this is the perfect excuse to quarantine yourself for the day or week. You’ll need a doctor’s certificate or at the very least some cream for that infectious rash to make it look legit.
#2 Tooth Ache
Ah yes those little noshers wreaking havoc again. A toothache is a solid way to get cushy on the couch instead of blasted at work. Don’t go for the full blown wisdom teeth act, unless you have the resources to puff your face like a chipmunk for the following week. Head to the dentist and get a teeth clean to make it look legit, or at the very least floss before heading back to work.
Perhaps incurred at the event that has rendered you unable to attend your place of employment. Don’t say I got so fucked last night I broke insert limb here. This one’s harder to fake and we don’t encourage breaking body parts for the sake of a sickie, but you’ll need to be acting at least a little worse for wear. Toes and fingers or ankle sprains are a forgeable starting point. Don’t get your mates to break something, punch you, wound you or maim you for the day off. You’re not that desperate.
#4 Household Emergency
The sink flooded, the sewerage burst, the washing machine exploded, the oven came alight even gas leak – the options are endless. A household emergency has the benefit of making you seem responsible and on top of things even when you’re not at work. Just get a quote from a tradie and you should be good to return to work with a flawless alibi.
#5 And Lastly A Hangover So Deathly You Cannot Possible Work
Honesty is the best policy right? Well when it comes to sickies often bosses are in the know or maybe even reading this piece. To save yourself the trouble of lying or the guilt to come, this excuse may just be the most effective. If you’re really in a bad way it’s not unfathomable that employees call in sick on a long weekend say. You’re certainly not the first person to do it.
Image Source: Paramount Pictures