Dating & Sex, Life

How To Handle Your Mate Dating A Douche

We’ve all got that friend who enjoys their relationships with an extra serving of drama and no matter your helpful tips or watchful eye they keep falling into the same love traps. Snapped up faster than a venus fly trap shuts it’s leafy jaws. And although you may be tired exhausted by the aftermath of them being in a bad arrangement, unless you want to count them out as a friend we’ve rounded up ways to deal with poise. Safety from late night phone calls not guaranteed but it’s sure to make the situation more bearable on your end (and hopefully for them too). And hopefully the douche will depart sooner rather than later.

Be There And Let Them Vent

As hard as it is to grin and bear it, you have to do the hard yards sometime. If it’s a healthy relationship this dear friend of yours has likely held your hair back as you puked, ignored a former friend in solidarity or not uttered a word about a closely held secret throughout the years. It’s shit listening to them whine about the person they somehow love, whom you know to be a douche. But sometimes you have to just grin and bear it. If you have’t listened in the first place you’re being an average pal and said mate is less likely to hear you out when the time really does come to kick them to the curb.

Don’t Trash The Other Person

As hard as it may be, especially when the person is finessed in the art of douchery, resist the urge to stoop to their level. Cattiness will fall flat if your friend is invested in the relationship and instead only reflect badly on you. Not ideal. Don’t compromise your friendship over some boyfriend of the moment or girlfriend of the minute. It’s incredibly tempting to join in and list their flaws whilst your pal is angsty about the situation, but do all you can to resist. It’s worth a little maturity now so they’ll respect your objectivity down the line.

Avoid Talking About Your Own Issues

Just how annoying is it when someone waxes lyrical about their partner? If singletons or relationship free folk were to quantify such annoyance, I guarantee it would be in the high range of irritation. In the same way, don’t reference your relationship woes as points of conversation. This is a time to focus on your ol’ buddy ol’ pal, not any long stories you may have to drop in at your will. It won’t be received as wisdom, it’s likely to seem like you’re only interested in your own love life.

Give Advice Obligation Free

Hey, I know this one is hard. When you’ve worked tirelessly on working up a solution to all their late night woes and fuck boy issues, inaction can be difficult to wear. Your dear friend is their own person and one thing to remember when they’re still meeting up with this peak douche or still replying to their poorly worded texts, they’re somewhat invested. It’s a little easier one degree removed to call out the injustices and lament the poor form. Give your advice with the thought in mind that it may not ever come to fruition. Never an easy task, but this is your mate remember? You owe them a little leeway.

Leave Cliches At The Door

“There’s plenty of fish in the sea.” Perhaps the single worst phrase to be thrown at someone experience a love related hardship. They don’t want any of the other fish, nor want to even consider a different finned friend to swim alongside them. They want the douchey fish that treats them sub par and doesn’t even bring home fish food for them to share. Ok, so the metaphor got taken a little too far, but you get the gist.

Don’t Even Think About Interfering 

Step away from the situation if you’re even slightly inclined to dip a toe in the water, bad move. The furthest you can go is crafting a text message on their behalf or assisting your beloved friend, that is it. You cannot throw a drink at them, across the room, cuss them out for no good reason, send your own strongly worded message or interfere at all. Is it worth risking your friendship? You’ve got to keep in mind that douche, has the upper hand of intimacy something you just can’t compete with.

Accept You’re Not Getting The Full Story

Every tale and rant is grounded in your friend’s perspective, no matter how awful, there’s always another side to the story. Perhaps your pal is holding back or maybe they’re making it seem more colourful than it was, you can’t be sure. So before you go to bat for them or wonder why they’re not responding the way you had coached them – it’s quite possible you don’t know the full unabridged version of events.

Master The Pullback

Know when to wash your hands of the drama and step aside. By no means cease being their friend, but compartmentalise the issues they’re having for your own sanity. It’s not worth you’re emotional state if they insist on dating aforementioned awful human. No matter how incredibly besotted they are or disgustingly attractive they may be. Move on from their squabbles and escalating arguments, it’s no longer your problem.

Image source: Thought Catalog, Vulture. 

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Hannah is a girl boss. Word writer. Cultural warrior. Lover of tacos. And generally all things that promote fab vibes.

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