Imagine scrolling through the thousands of unread social emails you have, looking for something to online-order to fill the void in your heart, and then coming across this abomination.
Imagine the quick scroll past, then the frantic scrolling back up as your brain tries to process what the fuck you just saw. Last you checked, you were viewing emails, not soft-core porn.
Is this an isolation-induced hallucination because it’s been weeks since you’ve gotten any action? Surprisingly, no.
No, dear reader, that is not a close-shaved vag flaunting a gold necklace in yet another unattainable beauty standard for young women. It’s an armpit (I think).
Why it’s an armpit, I do not know.
Surely Sarah and Sebastian, the company responsible for this email, are pranking me? Is this not an absolutely bonkers advertising strategy? Or did living under my current rock lead me to miss the latest Instagram fad – armpit aesthetic.
I really must know why in the fresh hell a company like Sarah and Sebastian (who specialise in elegant, expensive engagement jewellery that I can’t really afford) have decided a sensual armpit is the way to go with their new package?
It turns out, this is for a collection called ‘Skin’, inspired by cephalopods and sensory organs. Now look, I can see how cephalopods can be sexy – but armpits?
Upon visiting their website for further investigation, I could not see the naked armpit anywhere. For the necklace in question, it is shown off in the typical yet now mundane way – on an actual neck.
The only explanation I can think of for the vag armpit is that this company’s PR knew the almost-vag picture would actually grab my attention. And I mean, it worked. I went on their Instagram and everything.
Surely this is all a genius marketing ploy to pull us out of the mind-numbing online reverie we’re trapped in and shock us back to reality long enough to make us consider a purchase?
That, or its art.
Image Sources: Sarah and Sebastian Instagram, SarahAndSebastian.com
