Sex is a lot of things. It can be moving. It can be beautiful. It’s also, at times, downright awkward. There’s something pretty comical about the act of it all, and it’s high time we talk about it openly, right? And there’s nothing like taking your insecurities to the internet for virtual moral support. Here we present this to you: the 15 most hilariously relatable tweets about sex.
Doggy style means you get a treat afterwards, yeah?
— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) May 7, 2012
Guy asked if I put him in the friend zone. I was like, whoa slow down there. I’ll have sex with you, but friendship is a serious commitment.
— Cutie McBooty (@8_Sisha) September 17, 2013
Pick Your Favorite Sex Position:
⚪️girl on top
just happy to be here
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) October 25, 2015
I slept with this guy and left him SO speechless, he hasn’t been able to call or text since. Still got it!
— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) August 19, 2012
If there’s a sock on my doorknob it means I’m having sex with the other one.
— Ham on Wry (@realHamOnWry) November 23, 2015
*pokes sex life with a stick
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) June 3, 2014
This girl told me she liked to be teased in the bedroom so we laid down and I said her new glasses looked stupid and she starts crying. wtf?
— Thor Olsen (@superduperkewl) September 15, 2011
Me: Netflix & chill?
[later that night]
Her: so you don’t have Netflix?
Me [pulling out 20 condoms]: I don’t have chill either
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) September 15, 2015
A great alternative to Tinder is entering every room screaming, “Does anyone want to bang?!” It also has more dignity.
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) December 5, 2014
In theory, sex should be grosser than letting someone borrow your toothbrush, but it’s not.
— Alex J. Mann (@alexjmann) August 21, 2013
PORN IS BIASED.
Either MILF or 18. What about postgrad w/ bad credit who drives Subaru to 1pm matinees?
No one wants to jerk off to that?
— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) November 10, 2012
A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. So would mine, probably, if I was having sex with something made out of bacon.
— Periwinkle Jones (@peachesanscream) June 23, 2014
when u was typin some really freaky shit behind the keyboard and now you gotta do it fr pic.twitter.com/02b9qPqfbD
— bohemian rhapsody ☭ (@MARXlSTMAMI) March 23, 2016
[gets exhausted after having sex for five minutes] “Go on without me”
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) July 25, 2015
Sometimes I wonder if I’m pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant
— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) November 5, 2012