Going on a break is something that I thought was super healthy back when I was in high school and watched copious amounts of Friends, but when you start to grow up you see that actually, going on a break sucks. It just guarantees you’ll break up, but with an awkward delay in the middle.
Never, ever have I seen a relationship that ‘went on a break’ be successful. Ever. And no, Ross and Rachel don’t count because it’s a TV show and we all know Ross sucked and Rachel deserved better anyway.
When you go on a break, it doesn’t actually solve your problems – it just kinda lets them fester until you miss each other enough that you come back and deal with the same BS. Don’t fall into that – here’s why breaks suck, and what you should do instead.
#1 It’s A Cop Out For A Real Break Up
Honestly, if you’ve reached the point where you don’t wanna be around your partner anymore and think you need a break – just break up. There really isn’t much difference aside from the fact that it’s a commitment, whereas if it’s just a break you know you may get together again. (Which could also happen if you break up anyway). If you need time away from your boo in such a dramatic fashion, chances are you didn’t like them as much as you think you did. Needing time for yourself doesn’t translate into putting your relationship on a break – that’s actually really drastic. If you’re having these doubts, then chances are it’s pretty late. If the idea of turning the break into a break up freaks you out, then why on earth are you on a break in the first place? Which brings me to my next point.
#2 It Doesn’t Get You To Actually Talk About Your Problems
Okay, you’re freaking out because you absolutely don’t want to break up with your partner and you’re mad that I would say something so ridiculous. Sure. Let’s preserve your relo then, and talk it out. Going on a break is really just a cop out so you don’t actually have to deal with your issues. It just sweeps them under the rug while you both go on living your best lives without each other. Pushing away your partner isn’t going to fix anything, it’ll just get you used to being mad at a distance. Or you just get used to being on your own, which leads you to… a break up. Soz. We’re def gonna keep ending up back here.
#3 It Creates Awkward Communication Issues
Remember when Ross slept with someone else when he and Rachel went on a break and then he never lived it down? Yes? Me too. Regardless of who’s side you were on, the point of this is that breaks are messy AF. Who decides the rules? Who decides what’s okay and what’s not okay, and how do you even agree on those things? The meaning of cheating becomes blurred, and it’s usually something people just avoid talking about in general. Unless you’re the most functional couple ever and are super great at communicating and having a clear set of rules for every situation, then you should avoid this at all costs. Besides, if your relationship was that functional you probably wouldn’t need a break, right?
#4 It Causes Resentment
When you go on a break, it can lead to feelings of resentment and blame as you wonder why your bae doesn’t want to see you. Don’t they miss you? Why do they want this? Those questions suck, and can really hurt. Plus, it can cause a real power imbalance. It’s hard when you’re the one that didn’t actually want to do this. It can cause a shit-tonne of insecurity, and no one needs that. Plus, if you end up trying to get back together, you’ll just be left thinking about how that one time they left you. Did we learn nothing from Ross and Rachel? You can avoid all that by actually just talking things out, instead of distancing each other. And if discussions and working hard doesn’t fix your relo, then seeing each other certainly won’t, and maybe it’s time for the end. ?
#5 It’s Immature
Trust me, I’m not out here trying to convince you that your relationship is dead. It’s just that, no relationship is fixed by not communicating. The silent treatment should be kept for the passive aggressiveness that you give your cat when he steals a chicken nugget, not to your partner who you love and wanna be with. Ignoring issues and just not talking for three weeks is immature, and the best thing to do is to communicate and compromise, always. If you can’t fix it, then leave it. That’s that.
There’s no need to drag out the heart break for both of you, get yourselves worked up for something that’s expiring. You just gotta take a step back, look at what you need and maybe this ain’t it. Sometimes it’s better to just say goodbye, and start the healing process.
Source: GIPHY, NBC