Dating & Sex, Life

“Breath Like Wet Dog Food”: All of Our Worst First Dates Stories

There’s nothing quite like a warm summer night, your third glass of vino swirling in your hand, talking conspiratorially with your friends about your dating lives. Best dates, worst boyfriends, most memorable romantic gestures. It’s just so damn good to talk about our disasters of romantic interests. We here at 5why are always looking for a justifiable excuse to share some of our own ridiculous experiences with each other, so here we present to you: the stories of some of our worst first dates.

“I once went on a date with a girl who seemed completely innocent, which in retrospect, was the first warning sign. She was super chatty, and spoke so quickly that I could barely even get a word in edgewise! Anyways it wasn’t terrible, but I struck her off the list of potentials. It turns out she had done a cheeky stalk and knew I was a writer/editor. She actually just wanted to get me to edit some of her own work… Didn’t know if I should have felt extremely disappointed or slightly flattered.”
– Gordon, 26

“The date was fine, the kiss at the end was not. He tasted like wet dog food.”
– Margot, 20

“I once started talking to this guy from Tinder, and once the customary chat had all happened and I’d vetted him from being a psychopath, we exchanged numbers and talked on the phone. Our schedules never aligned to meet up, but we would spend all night talking. I’m talking 2-3 hours every night for a month or so. When we finally got to meet, I was completely convinced that he was The One. We said hi, and then he stuck his tongue so far down my throat I gagged on it. I literally just left the bar. Never talked to him again.”
– Victoria, 23

“She was wearing sweatpants. And brought her brother.”
– Carlos, 29

“Once I had to work late, and asked a guy I was meant to go on a date with if we could push it back around half an hour. He got really upset with me, and whinged that I’d ‘ruined it’ because he wanted to take me to watch the sunset from a mountain top. Fair enough, but he wouldn’t stop going on about it. Literally whining and complaining like a petulant child. Was pretty cringe. Needless to say, no second date.”
– Ellen, 22

“He talked about his barber for maybe 40 minutes. Why? Who knows, I wasn’t listening. Who can listen to a guy talk about his barber for 40 minutes?”
– Sarah, 23

“I went out with a Brazilian guy from Tinder. It wasn’t anything too notable: upscale bar, a few cocktails and nibbles. He slickly picked up the check before we could talk about going Dutch, so I didn’t question it. We didn’t talk after that. Nothing wrong, really, just a lack of chemistry. The next week he sent me his Venmo details, demanding that I reimburse him for half the meal.”
– Imogen, 24

“Everything was going great, until she told me she had herpes. Then her roommate came home and gave me hell for not being a Christian.”
– Colin, 24

“He stopped me mid-conversation and made me sit and watch Despicable Me with him. He had a thing for the minions.”
– Charlotte, 22

Image Source: NBC

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You can usually find Victoria trying to find her next favourite podcast, or conducting necessary research on the best espresso martini in Sydney.

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