Trump’s impeachment this morning is delightful for lot’s of reasons, but one of them is just the sheer amount of dumbass quotes that have come out of it. Check out my fave batshit crazy quotes from this impeachment saga.
Comparing The Crucifixion of Jesus To The Impeachment of Trump
“When Jesus was falsely accused of treason, Pontius Pilate gave Jesus the opportunity to face his accusers,” Rep. Loudermilk said while defending Trump on the House floor.
“During that sham trial, Pontius Pilate afforded more rights to Jesus than Democrats have afforded this president in this process.”
Do I even need to say anything right now? Do I?
Comparing Trump’s Impeachment With The Brutal Murder Of Innocent Women
“More due process was afforded to those accused in the Salem Witch Trials,” Trump wrote in his letter about his impeachment to Nancy Pelosi.
Because, you know, he has clearly less freedom than the thousands of women that were tortured and burnt at the stake for no reason. Because being burnt to death is the same as being President of the United States. Right.
Saying The Democrats Had “Trump Derangement Syndrome”
Trump also claimed the Democrats had “never recovered” from losing the 2016 election and had developed “a full-fledged case of what many in the media call Trump Derangement Syndrome.”
“And sadly, you will never get over it!” he added.
This is literally just a cheap knock-off version of that scene where Regina George says “Why are you so obsessed with me?”
Something About Electric and Gas
“A lot of people don’t know if the electric can ever catch the gas.” WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, TRUMP? Did anyone know what he was talking about in his hour long speech today?
Lightbulbs Are Why You’re So Ugly, Apparently?
“Why do I always look so orange? You know why? Because of the new light, they’re terrible, you look terrible, they cost you many many times more – like 4-5 times more, they’re considered hazardous waste.”
Okay, so in one sentence Trump went from saying he looks orange, to blaming eco-lightbulbs for making him look orange, to telling everyone they look terrible and ugly because of eco-lightbulbs, TO TALKING ABOUT HAZARDOUS WASTE.
Dynamite Dishwashers That Only Women Use
This is, by far, the most nonsensical and hilarious quote out of everything I have heard today. In Trump’s speech post-impeachment (you can watch the live video here), he talks a lot of nonsense. Most hilariously, though, is the dishwasher spiel. I can’t tell you why he started talking about dishwashers, because there isn’t a good reason. He just, randomly started talking about dishwashers.
“We did the dishwasher. We did the dishwasher, right? Remember the dishwasher, you press it, boom there’d be like an explosion, minutes later, you open it up, steam pours out, the dishes, you press it 12 times women tell me, and they give you four drops of water.”
Okay first of all, what kind of dynamite dishwashers is he using that explode?! Oh wait, he’s not using dishwashers though – he makes it very clear that’s a female-only job, by randomly adding “the women tell me” in regards to his ramble about dishwasher inadequacy.