There’s a certain number of things that everyone will do in the search for love. From personal grooming, to hiding the crazy on the first date, some things are just standard. But what about the stuff that’s maybe a little bit… out of the ordinary? We’ve all fallen into the trap of doing the absolute most in the hopes that it’ll turn into a relationship. Or at the very least a cheeky hookup. From the sexy barista, to the hottie in your lectures, here’s the craziest stalker shit we all do for love.
#1 Searching The Very Little Info You Have
If you’ve never searched just someone’s first name on Facebook, you’re lying. Everyone’s had that moment when you overhear potential bae’s name and you immediately spend the next 3 days scrolling through the Facebook results. Just make sure you’re searching “Jesse” then filtering by location, uni, eye colour, etc. Anything less would be some rookie shit.
#2 Getting Your Most Talented Stalker Mate On It
If that doesn’t result in any wins, it’s time to call in the cavalry. Everyone has that one friend who’s an expert at online stalking. Almost to the point where ASIO are loosing money by not hiring them. Whether it’s trawling through the page of a local coffee shop they go to, or (somehow) discovering that they like an obscure band, this friend will find them. Just don’t question their methods. They’re the Liam Neeson of your love life. Let them work.
#3 Public Loitering
So you happened to see someone you’ve taken a fancy to. And it happened at 12:30pm at you uni cafe on a Tuesday afternoon. Cue you aimlessly hanging around said cafe every Tuesday between the hours of 12 and 2pm. Public loitering in the hopes of creating your very own meet cute is key when it comes to innocent love based stalking.
#4 Obsessively Checking Snapchat Map & GeoLocations
This one’s the type of thing you might do once you’ve managed to befriend the object of your affections. At the very least you two are now online acquaintances. If they’re the type to have never turned off their Snapchat location, or they love a good InstaStory, you best believe you’re out there checking for any location clues you can. Now to just work out how to orchestrate a casual, non-stalker bump in.
#5 Starting A Fitness Routine Along Their Route
This one comes with two brilliant benefits. 1) You’ll get fit af. 2) You very well could end up cute workout buddies. However, this one may involve playing the long game/a whole tonne of balls. Whether you’re doing the casual mid run smile and nod and hope that they eventually start recognising you, or you just head straight over and do some deep lunging right in front of them, the co-workout method takes commitment to the lay. So honestly, props to you, my dude.
Image Source: Netflix, GIPHY