An Aussie Connoisseur’s Guide To Goon

The national drink of Australia aka the goon bag, it might not fix the budget deficit, nor will it fix our crippling nightlife but does a darn good job at everything else. Doing all the hard work for you, we have carefully matched each exquisite taste of The Goon (capitalised due to national importance) to our national foods of Australia.

Sunnyvale Fruity Lexia 

Standard drinks: 30

Litres: 4L

Varietal: White blend

Pairing: Bunnings sausage sizzle (bonus points for crucified onions)

Being the national drink of this lucky land, the Australian people are initiated into the drinking society with a cup of Sunnyvale goodness during their teenage years in a park. They then continue this tradition, drinking Sunnyvale in a range of parks throughout their life, bonus points for Sydney’s Camperdown Park.

It’s sweet taste can be mixed with home brand orange juice for extra taste or as a concealment.

Golden Oak Medium Dry Red

Standard drinks: 30

Litres: 4L

Varietal: White blend

Pairing: lightly suspicious cabanossi and cheddar cheese platter

Known for its appearance at family gatherings, it’s mild taste helps a lot of the day’s problems. It softens the blow of your Uncle Bill cornering you in for a chat and most importantly subsides the pain of your screaming little cousins.

Despite its cordial appearance, the taste is a consistent all rounder. For a more experimental flavour pairing have a go at the slightly suspicious cabanossi and cheddar cheese platter your Aunt Julie brought.

Banrock Station Moscato 

Standard drinks: 9

Litres: 2L

Varietal: Sweet white blend

Pairing: Lamingtons

Weak in taste and small in size, this goon is for the fanciest of 18 year old girls. Sickling sweet in flavour, the wine is a great reminder of the time of what happens in the past, stays in the past… including your goon taste.

Coolabah Sweet Fruity Wine

Standard drinks: 30

Litres: 4L

Varietal: White blend

Pairing: Arnotts Shapes Chicken Crimpy Flavour (bonus points for original flavouring)

The old faithful, Coolabah goon is a veteran when it comes to cask wine. It has been serving the Australian public it’s golden liquid since pre-ibis days.

Originally published on The Cut, the cultural centre of the entire world.

Image source: Punch Drink, Flickr, Concrete Playground, The Lord Gladstone. 

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