Dating & Sex, Life

How To Get Over Your First Love

Think of the expression “falling in love.” To me it’s such an unsympathetic phrase, and carries an amount of danger with it. Falling is never a fun experience, it sends your heart into a flutter, you’re disorientated and at times you hope no one around you noticed. Come to think of it, falling is the perfect word to describe dating, especially your first love.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m sure the love I shared with my year eight MSN boyfriend would inspire the next great romance novel, but my first love, my first real love, kind of happened by accident. It seems like yesterday that I had just started dating my ex, but that very quickly turned into seven years together. We grew up together and knew every single detail about each other, he could tell the difference between when I was hangry or just bothered by something and would be able to remedy the situation and have me smiling again with either a slice of cake or a hug.

But naturally we began to drift and ultimately found ourselves in a difficult place to come back from. So what happens after you’ve fallen in love, eventually you hit the ground right? Gravity can be a bitch and when you hit the ground, and boy do you hit it hard. When you lose the ying to your yang it leaves you feeling kind of empty.

It’s been almost a full year since we broke up, and although I am happy with where I am in my life and have really found the silver lining out of the situation, I still cringe when certain songs on my iPhone play or I see the same model car as his cruising down the street and I’ve been ashamed to admit that I still miss him from time to time.

It’s OK To Never Forget Them

Person in a hoodie on a sandy beach filled with footprints

Sometimes I wonder how old my sister’s soul is, she may be 20, but her advice far exceeded a woman of 30 or 40. I confided in her recently the secret that my first love still crosses my mind from time to time, or that something will happen and all I wish for is that I could just call him up and tell him all about it. She looked me in the eyes and told me that no one ever forgets their first love.

I think I made up this idea that we’re only given one chance at finding the right person, and I managed to lose him so what if I never get another shot? This idea is toxic and I think when I stopped believing it I started to see the world and myself differently. Life isn’t a fairytale and rarely do you end up with the first person you fall in love with, and I am actually ok with this idea now.

Accept The Firsts

In life we have many firsts, our first steps, our first words, our first time riding a bike, our first love. Each milestone leaves a monumental footprint in our lives, or at least paving the way to do so. Falling in love for the first time is an experience like no other. There’s a reason why literature, songs, movies and even our whole lives revolve around finding that someone special to share your life with.

Sure I hit the ground hard and still have a few cuts and bruises healing, but I now like to look at my first love like I do my first steps. Sure it was a huge stage in my life, but it was the first steps that paved the way for me to learn how to walk, and for the first time I am looking forward to running to the next stage in my life.

Look Back In The Right Way

The hardest thing is to look back on the past with happiness that it happened, rather than sadness that it is no more. We try so hard to play the tough guy and pretend we’re ‘totally over them’ a day after it happened, but we’re only human and we shouldn’t beat ourselves up over the feelings we have.

It can be tough if that relationship was particularly toxic or detrimental to you, but look back with the idea that it happened for a reason and realise it’s okay to still reflect on those memories with positivity. You’ll be over you first love in no time, and mature as a person overall – you got this.

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