I always think of dating like a game of poker, it’s all about playing the hand you’re dealt. Knowing when to fold, call or go all in takes years of skill and practice and even after then, you still can’t be sure the odds are in your favour.
Not the most experienced poker player out there, I’m fairly new to the table and am picking up on the tricks of the game. One thing I am noticing more often than not is the nice guy bluff. Usually only pulled off by the ‘professional players’ the ‘nice guy’ card is used to trick others into believing that they are a sincere and genuine person. Trouble is, spotting this bluff early is next to impossible, and by the time you do, you’re down a couple of chips or worse, gone all in and have come out empty handed.
Now although this is a less than favourable situation to be in, it got me thinking, what happens to the actual good guys at the table? It’s these professional players who are making us women fold on the opportunity of really getting to know a new guy, out of fear that he may be bluffing.
I recently met a guy at a party through a mutual friend and we got to talking and found we have a lot in common. What I discovered after we exchanged numbers was that he is a sweet, down to earth person and to me an overall great guy. Now here’s the problem, having been fooled in the past by the ‘nice guy’ card, I am hesitant to bet on this hand, out of fear I’ll come out empty.
We automatically assume that no one can be “that nice” and we begin looking for the catch.
Why is it that I find it so much easier to fold on the potential of getting to know a new guy, than gambling it on the chance of it paying off? It has gotten to the point where I see my chips disappearing before my eyes, so naturally I draw them closer whilst clutching my cards a little tighter to my chest. It’s almost as if I’ve put up walls around me to protect myself from even the most cunning bluffer.
Could it be that we’ve slowly learnt the games and tricks of the serial bluffer and the whole ‘not replying straight away’, playing hard to get kind of games become second nature. So when we’re confronted with someone who doesn’t follow suit, we’re left confused and skeptical. All the while he’s going out of his way to be thoughtful and sweet, we’re more caught up on when exactly he’ll stuff out and we’ll be able to spot the bluff.
It seems that these serial bluffers have raised the guard of many women, making it super difficult for nice guys to be given a chance. We automatically assume that no one can be “that nice” and we begin looking for the catch. We doubt his sincerity before any cards have been put on the table, we don’t buy in and we let the hand go. We think maybe it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Edward Norton once said “life, like poker has an element of risk. It shouldn’t be avoided. It should be faced,” and I couldn’t agree with it more. Poker is a game of risk and chance, if you sit by and play it safe, folding at every hand, sure you’ll be sitting at the table for a while, but for what? We should be excited about the risks in our life, as these risks are what make life worth getting out of bed in the morning.
Instead of folding or going all in, I think I’ll take it slow and see which hand I’m dealt. There’s no shame in wanting to let it naturally pan out, and I think in the past I’ve found it so necessary to make a decision on the spot instead of just going with the flow. At the end of the day, we don’t know the next card coming out of the deck, but we might as well be hopeful, rather than apathetic. Every new person you meet should be treated as a new game of poker, cut your loses and begin fresh. Give the guy a chance and as the saying goes, high risk, high return.
– DM x
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You are finally learning the game of life.