No need to call the Fisher Family just yet. Perhaps the television is in a coma with Blu-Ray as its life support. A laptop switches over the IV drip as a smartphone seals off the ward. Preventing the spread of a deadly jingle containing discount rugs.
You’re right. Too absurdist. However, until the unlikely revival of the TV occurs, you may only be able to purchase one that doubles as a fish tank in the near future. Let’s see why online streaming has taken over the traditional television.
#1 Remember To Use Headphones
Gone are the days of having to rush home to enjoy a physical comedy to ease the pain of a tedious lecture. Episodic relief is now available in the “quiet carriage” on your way home. It also comes in movie length to relieve the symptoms caused by the incompetence of your boss.
#2 Walk The Plank
No loot for pirates. Your preferred streaming app prevents illegal copies of content, allowing smaller productions to stay afloat. Artists are also renumerated appropriately for services rendered. A request for USB’s to be quarantined is currently in motion to prevent further infection from low-quality copies of brilliantly executed 90’s thrillers.
#3 NBN Is Not The Birth Of Skynet
It’s on our side. Administer education to children in regional and rural areas with real time, high speed internet stat. They can also take it before bed as homework via their laptop under adult supervision. In addition, physical injuries caused by wheeling out the TV to demonstrate the genius of Dead Poet’s Society will be eradicated.
#4 Unlikely Heroes Emerge
A vaccine to prevent predictable protagonists was initially available from HBO and Showtime in the lead up to the online streaming pandemic. Further research has developed a more potent formula since the decay of the television. It’s called the Green Light. Now, there are superheroes sweeping barbershop floors to make rent. Juveniles mysteriously absorbing into walls cementing Winona Ryder’s comeback. And a Master of None showing you how to make a non-sexist dating comedy.
#5 Weather Is Not A Problem
Uninterrupted viewing pleasure online during a storm enhances the “Netflix and Chill” effect. Waterproof phone cases are also now available over the counter for an outdoor date. Old school TV does not come with as much protection in the event of a storm and requires a heftier prescription. Consider this a flatline.
Image Sources: Vulture, Daily Tech,