The words, “We can still be friends” is often met with us low-key vomming in our own mouths at the fake saccharinity of it all. Sometimes it’s said as a way to try and make the dump-ee feel better while having their heart ripped out – despite the dumper being completely serious about maintaining contact.
Those who’ve tried to be friends with an ex know that it’s a constant battle of restraint. Not to mention a complete nightmare figuring the new boundaries out. After being put through the emotional ringer, how do know if remaining friends is really worth it?
What Terms Did You End On?
If the split was mutual due to feelings fizzling out, you might be able to make it work. Or maybe your breakup was met with constant bickering and spiteful words? The terms you both ended your relationship on tend to determine whether or not it’s wise to seek further friendship. Friendship is about mutual respect, and a lot of the time those feelings are squashed by the breakup drama.
Are You Emotionally On The Same Page?
If one of you fell out of love, but the other remains as infatuated as ever, you might want to rethink your game plan. Not being on the same page emotionally can get messy and confusing for both parties. If you’re the one who still has feelings, seeing them move on is going to do more harm than good. Especially if you’re still in close enough proximity to hear about it.
What Are Your Intentions?
In other words, what are you planning on gaining from their presence? If you’re involved in the same social circles, of course you don’t want to dump your friends due to one person, least of all your ex. Maybe you’re involved in the same work industry and help each other with leads.
Reasons such as these make total sense. But, if you’re keeping them close to try and fulfil the fantasy of getting back together, stepping back would probably be best – for a while, anyway. Sorry to be the barer of bad news, but this doesn’t usually work out the way you want it to.
Have You Had Enough Time To Process?
If you separated on Friday, but are back to spending time together as friends on following Wednesday, will this be the most effective way to move on? Having time to process your thoughts and feelings is an important thing to go through post-breakup. If you feel as though you haven’t yet come to terms with things, that doesn’t mean things won’t progress to a comfortable ground. At the end of the day, it’s about what you need.
If a friendship with your ex is deterring your progress, you may be better off without them.
Sources: 20th Century Fox Television, Unsplash.