Tis the season to be jollier than Kim Kardashian’s face on her Paper cover – KRISTMAS (please forgive me)!
There are two times in the year that we get anxious about pulling a name out of a hat: Melbourne Cup and the obvious Kris Kringle. While Melbourne Cup sweeps are something we have no control over, with a KK you’re able to exercise a little bit of authority on what we choose to gift our nearest and dearest office strangers.
This is the time to do a little ground work. Unless you’re super friendly with everyone in your office, most likely you’re going to be a little bit stumped on what the perfect gift would be. The could make or break your office rep. Don’t mess it up! Take a little walk over to the desk of the lucky recipient and do a sneaky snoop. Have a look at colours, random desk clutter, coffee cups, posters, magazine clippings… this is going to give you a few quick hints of what this person likes.
Now, think like Leonardo and get ready – We need to go deeper! GIFTCEPTION. Even the office weirdo has someone that they’re friendly with around the water cooler. Ask some questions. Think hard and try to remember what their poison was last time you saw them at office drinks. Do they like shoes? Different coloured pens? Do you occasionally hear them humming to themselves at the urinals? Try and think about the tune… recognize it? Excellent. You’re half way there! You’re also a creep for paying attention to what they’re humming at urinals. Anyway, once you have deduced the person’s basic likes and dislikes, it’s time to get down to the nitty gritty.
Most KK rules stipulate that a price limit of $20-30 is best. This is going to require you to think outside of the box a bit. Now, seeing as Kristmas is around the corner and because I am such a peach, I have put together a list to aid you.
Blaire’s Ultimate Kris Kringle Gift Guide of Awesomeness
– Mini packs of alcohol; Glenn Fidditch scotch and Absolut Vodka do really excellent gift packs
– Tech case for iPad, iPhone, Tablet, Samsung Galaxy case (does anyone even use anything else…?)
– T2 gift packs – these can be a bit pricey, so go in and have a look to see if there are any sampler kits available. Even buying one box of tea and then adding in a cheap teacup and saucer set from a two-dollar shop looks fancy and posh, sooo Kristmas.
– Hit up the Iconic and check out the sale section. It’s great for things like jewellery, wallets, watches and other accessories. And they do 3 hour delivery in the Sydney/Melbourne metro areas (check the website to see if you qualify for this), and if not, they offer next day delivery! They also send you coupons and stuff when your order arrives, so you basically get a free gift with purchase.
– Book stores always have excellent novelty books, or you could be a presumptuous asshole and buy the person a copy of Moby Dick. Because culture.
– DVD box sets – don’t go cray and buy them The Sopranos on blu-ray, but look at the smaller, Aussie made TV series’. Think J’Amie: Private School Girl or Underbelly.
– Stationery stores like Typo and Kikki K offer really cool, unusual presents and are normally really cheap and they are marketed towards teenagers and uni students. But seriously, who doesn’t love a pineapple pencil holder or a miniature desktop trolley?
– Retail clothing chains usually introduce gifts as part of their range around November, so don’t rule out places like General Pants Co and Forever New as purely sartorial. These stores will cater towards the more trendy and hipster work mates, ensuring you look cool too. 2 birds, one stone.
– Cheap department stores (think K-Mart and Target) have interesting designs for cocktail and shot glasses and various other little kitchen wares. Popcorn makers, slushy makers, pancake makers, donut makers, maker makers… you name it, they’ve got it, and it’s an unusual thing to gift someone. And if you just add vodka to the slushy machine… Aww yiss… let the good times roll.
– CDs and DVDs are good, if not a little boring. I don’t think I’d go here unless you’re utterly stumped. So Fresh: Hits of Summer 2014 means that they’re bound to like at least one song… right? Right.
– Last resort? cheap bottle of scotch, rum or vodka. Or some kind of brightly coloured drink. At least they can get drunk off your lack of present buying skills or their obvious lack of personality, hence why you couldn’t find them an excellent gift.
– Cheap wine is never a good idea.
– Cheap beer is never appropriate.
– And lastly: DO NOT BUY THEM A GIFT VOUCHER.
DO NOT BE THAT GUY, FOR THE LOVE OF KIM KARDASHIAN KRINGLE WEST, DON’T DO IT! GIFT VOUCHERS ARE WEAK. ARE YOU WEAK? NO. YOU ARE THE CHUCK NORRIS OF CHRISTMAS, ACT LIKE IT!
So, there you have it Kringlings.
If you’re still feeling worried and honestly have no idea what to get them, just call in sick on present swapping day and conveniently keep ‘forgetting’ to bring it in until you break off for Christmas break… then re-gift one of your crappier Christmas presents when you get back to work. I know. I’m a genius. You don’t have to thank me.
Happy Shopping and have an excellent Christmas and New Years.
Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.