Everything We Can Expect From Facebook Dating And Why It’s Social Suicide

At its annual F8 meeting yesterday, Facebook’s top dogs gathered in an overly futuristic-looking conference room to talk all things dating. It seems a rather odd departure from the kinds of innovative ingenuity that’s normally front and centre at these types of conferences but, don’t be fooled. Digital dating is Zuckerberg’s next big project and it’s already well underway. Staying true to his nature, Zuckerberg’s got his eyes on an industry he’ll soon want to overhaul.

Say hello to Facebook Dating.

Zuckerberg mentioned the project last year and he’s certainly delivered. Facebook Dating just launched in the Philippines and a number of other countries and already, there’s a slew of mixed reviews. Here’s what we can expect from the app and why it’s turning a few of my dating nightmares into a reality I’ll definitely be avoiding.

Secret Crush Feature

Just to preface my outrage over this disgusting feature, I need to get one thing straight. The benefit of Tinder, and other copy-cat dating apps, is that you’re offered a full sea of fish outside your immediate friend circle – the most ideal kinds of people you want to be meeting. No one, I repeat no one, is willingly looking to date people within their circle of friends. If shit hits the fan, which often it does, you want a quick and easy escape – none of that ‘let’s be friends because of our mutual friends’ nonsense.


So, the feature: FB Secret Crush allows you to choose up to 9 potential ‘crushes’ in your friends list. In the case that you too are picked by any of your crushes, you’ll get a match. Yes, it’s really that easy to cause unnecessarily awkward encounters with people you deal with and see on a regular basis. How great.

Geo-Locations Causing Maximum Social Anxiety

Remember all the times you’ve rocked up to an event hoping you wouldn’t run into a particular someone? Remember the heart palpitations? Prepare to take them up a notch with this geo-location feature. Facebook Dating will notify you when a Facebook friend is attending an event/location you’re currently at. Obvs you can opt out and obvs we definitely will be.

Your Long Lost Ex Could Pop Up

In news you probably didn’t want to hear, Facebook Dating will provide suggestions of people who you’ve previously unfriended. There’s no escaping your past failures and Facebook will remind you of the people you wanted to forget.

No Swipe Feature

Pulsing thumbs, be gone! Facebook Dating trades off the classic swipe feature for a series of questions that will then match you with ‘compatible’ cuties. Note: star signs will not feature in any pre-match questions because they are not an indication of compatibility (I’ll have you know).

Text-Based Messages Only

Unfortunately for those that resort to giphy-based conversations, you’ll have to cough up some words. Facebook Dating will only allow text based messages (emojis optional) and users won’t be able to exchange photos. According to FB, this is in a bid to maximise safety and minimise explicit and unwanted content (if you know, you know).

Facebook Dating is probably on its way very soon. Stay alert, people and know the risks.

Sources: Giphy, Facebook. 

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