Moving out of home is an exciting venture filled with many expectations as to how it’ll go. Most of us are raring to get out there and make our way in the world and believe the joys of bidding our parents and childhood bedroom farewell is a good start. Sometimes though, things don’t always to go plan.
Expectation: Heck Yeah, I’m Going To Deck My Fridge Out With Fab Food
You’re going to write a detailed list of everything you need from Coles that week and it’s going to be marvellously organised. Everything will be eaten and nothing will go to waste because you check your #privilege daily.
Reality: Oh Jeez, What’s That Leaking, Deflated Thing In The Crisper? How Long’s It Been There For?
Suuurrprise, it’s a cucumber from one month ago. Remember when you had the good intentions of putting it in a salad? Aw, you tried. And the reason why it’s flattened like pita bread? Well you decided to chuck a massive bag of carrots on it because you neglected to remember its existence in your crisper.
Expectation: Everything I Eat Will Be Nutritious And Filled With Colour
Your body is your temple. You’ll be at the healthiest peak of your entire life because moving out means you’re an adult and can manage your own diet. KFC and McDonalds? Hah, their charms tempt you no longer.
Reality: So, This Is My Second Night That My Dinner Has Involved A Hashbrown.. And A Soft Serve For Good Measure
Yeah, nah. Your healthy diet is non-existent. The last time you ate something green was three days ago. But if you’re being honest, the only reason you ate something green and leafy was because it was included in the mushroom pie you had for dinner. Also, you’re obsessed with microwaving Doritos and cheese.
Expectation: I Will Be A Culinary Mastermind. Pete And Manu Will Want To Adopt Me As Their Love Child
You’ll know about all the spices and how to combine them to make the best tasting creations. You’ll also be able to wing a recipe, because this isn’t amateur hour, get real.
Reality: What The Frickety Frack Is The Time Limit For Boiling An Egg?
Seriously though, how long do you have to boil a damn egg for it to not break all over your hand? And is pork one of the meats that can’t be pink in the middle? Also, how the hell are you meant to know when your chicken or sausages are done without having to hack into the middle of them with a knife?
Expectation: My Apartment Will Be Spotless All The Time.. I’ll Draw Up A Cleaning Schedule On Excel
Oh yes, your little abode will look like you pay someone to clean it every day. You’ll have that Airwick stuff that sprays every half and hour and never fails to scare the absolute beegeebies out of you.
Reality: I Mean, It’s Clean Apart From.. Like, The Dead Cockroach In The Corner.. And Maybe The That Part Of The Floor That’s Sticky From.. Boxed Wine Spilling, I Think?
Yeah, well look though, it’s hard when you don’t have the time to clean.. and are also too lazy to clean on your day off.
Expectation: I’ll Be Sure To Separate My Whites From My Colours, And I’ll Always Have Clean Clothes
This right here is one of the key things that makes you an adult, and you’re going to smash it. Heck, maybe you’ll have separate baskets to put everything in so that the sorting is easier.
Reality: Annnnd I Don’t Have Any Clean Underwear Left.. Also Don’t Have Time To Wash Anything Right Now.. If I Turn Them Inside Out No One Has To Know, Right?
It’s not the first time and sure as hell won’t be the last. It’s fine though, you can just go to the super market and buy a five pack of underwear for ten dollars. Genius. You also managed to shrink your favourite jumpsuit the other day, and this is why you can’t have nice things.
Expectation: All My Furniture Will Match And Be Really Good Quality. My Room Will Be So Cute And A Place Of Zen
Your space will be coordinated and relaxed. Everyone that comes to your place will compliment you on the colours and ask you where you got your furniture. All the furniture will be sturdy, you’ll definitely get your money’s worth.
Reality: My Bed Frame Sounds Like It’s About To Break Whenever I Put Weight On It.. And My Clothes Rack (Including All My Clothes) Fell On Top Of Me The Other Night And Knocked Me To The Ground
You rise from underneath the overwhelming weight of clothes, your spirit a little more dampened than before. “So, I’ve been bested by a clothes rack, of all things. Not a man, not my job.. a flimsy clothes rack.” You stare it down, to show it who’s boss and you can almost see the inanimate object smirking at you.
Expectation: I’ll Put Money Away Each Week So That Paying Bills Is Less Stressful
This is a great idea. It literally stops you from having a panic attack over all the bills because you’ve saved. You’re prepared.
Reality: I May Or May Not Have Thrown A Tantrum When All My Bills Came At Once. My Soul Was Not Ready
You’ve rejected the great idea on multiple occasions because naturally, you love making life hard for yourself. You scream at your phone as you’re plugging the bills payment into your phone.
Expectation: I’ll Be Able To Do Whatever I Want, I Can’t Wait To Move Out From My Parent’s House
You’re always going to have people over and have parties and all the fun, memorable times.
Reality: ..Crap, I Miss Mum
You bet your sweet behind that you’ve ended up back there five days later for dinner because you realise how good you had it. Oh, you’re also broke, so can’t afford to do that, #winning.
Image source: Universal Television and Red Granite Pictures