Spoilers for Game Of Thrones season 8, episode 5 ahead. Read at your own risk.
What the fuck was that? I have never been so disappointed in my entire life. Even One Direction breaking up didn’t hurt me like Game of Thrones’ 5th episode did.
This episode was atrocious. Straight up. Don’t get me wrong, the cinematography and special effects were absolutely incredible. However, the quality of the writing was honestly insulting, and it’s embarrassing to know this is the second last episode. I can’t believe I wasted eight years of my life dedicated to being a fan, only to be let down like this. The critics rated this episode the lowest ever of Game of Thrones, at 50% on Rotten Tomatoes. Majority of my rage is covered here already, so this article focuses on smaller (and less awful) aspects of the episode.
Watching Cersei in this episode started off pretty cool. We got to see her lose, and honestly? I enjoyed it. I enjoyed watching her tear up and face defeat. Call me sadistic, but I’ve been waiting for my justice for eight seasons now, and boy was revenge going to be sweet. Except… it wasn’t.
The hound appears and challenges his creepy undead bro, and Cersei just yeets outta there and runs past without Clegane even noticing? I laughed, if I’m honest. The scene just looked ridiculous. And don’t worry, we definitely cover the Cleganebowl fight below.
— Jemele Hill (@jemelehill) May 13, 2019
Anyway, so she gets outta there, runs down into the creepy crypts with Jaime (check out my discussion on Jaime’s awful character assassination) and then they hold each other and cry while a bunch of rocks fall on them. The end. After eight seasons of Cersei terrorising everyone and being the best villain ever, she just dies because of poor infrastructure. I don’t care if it was supposed to be “poetic” for them to leave the world as they came into it – they built Cersei up from day one to be the final boss battle of Game of Thrones, and then no one got to kill her. Not even Daenarys, who’s arc was so awful that it got it’s own separate article.
Best ways to kill Cersei #GameofThrones
1. Jaime kills Cersei
2. The Night King kills Cersei
3. Arya Kills Cersei
4. Drogon Kills Cersei
15. Bran wargs into Cersei and commits suicide
146. She gets Pneumonia and dies
1,672. Gets trampled by rocks
— Free Thinker (@kamusigi9) May 13, 2019
Cleganebowl was much anticipated, and was honestly the one good thing about this episode. The Mountain was definitely uglier than expected which I was delighted to see, and the fight was decent. The Mountain vs Oberon was an iconic fight, and I appreciated the nod to that in this scene. I will say this about the episode – the cinematography and visuals were beautiful. We know The Hound was never going to win this fight – how could he, against a giant zombie undead guy that can’t really be killed? Dragging him into the fire was a fitting touch – The Hound faced both his fear of his brother, and flames at once. A suitable end to his story, I think.
We SALUTE to a legend, who fulfilled his life’s mission to the very end,
SANDOR FUCKING CLEGANE, FIRST OF HIS NAME, FATHER OF ALL CHICKEN, PROTECTOR OF ARYA AND SANSA STARK, THE MOUNTAIN KILLER AND A TRUE WARRIOR. #GameofThrones pic.twitter.com/ncpO6qTDU6
— Arya Starch (@IamIamerna) May 13, 2019
Jon & Euron
I guess when Jon left Ghost in the North, he also left his morals. Why did it take him so long to realise everything was going to shit? This entire episode just felt like a repeat of The Long Night in the sense that it was an extended tense battle scene. We wasted so much time watching civilians burn, which doesn’t make sense considering there’s one episode to go – how do we have time to waste here? And then there was that random Euron scene where we see that he didn’t even realise the kid wasn’t his. He just appeared for a fight anyway. It’s not even worth talking about – I just wanted to point out the uselessness of it. They should have let him disappear in the ocean.
I’m surprised Arya gave up revenge for The Hound, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. This is the girl that poisoned the Frey family and baked them into a pie. Like, Sandor sweetie, get on her level. I guess they were trying to show us that Arya really is a young girl, despite her power. Maybe they want us to see that she isn’t perfect? They had similar scenes in The Long Night where they emphasised her vulnerability – though I don’t know how meaningful that is after she became the hero that killed the Night King. Also, WTF was going on with that horse? I’m assume it’s about Death riding a pale horse, but it was such a dramatic and emotional scene that it felt like more than that. I’m done predicting with this show, tbh. At this point, just let it end already.
— ghostie (@kingreptile420) May 13, 2019
Sources: HBO, Twitter @kingreptile420, @IamIamerna, @kamusigi9, @jemelehill,