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How I Realised I Should Abandon All Dating Apps For Good

Swipe down.

Dating is overrated and I’m not about it. There’s an underlying social expectation that if you’re not loved-up, you’re well on your way to looking for the next taker. If Saturdays aren’t spent curled up with bae on the couch, then you must doll up to find future bae – what torture.

But here’s my issue. Once Saturday night rolls around, I’m spent from the weekday grind and I’ve already fulfilled my socialising duties on Friday night, so where do I turn? I turn to the digital realm for love – where swiping and super-liking potential S/O’s is the virtual form of a glance across the room; a bump from a cutie as you’re taking a seat on the bus. Only they’re less movie-esque, less worthy of a kicker “So, how did you guys meet?” Story.

Anyway, this digital realm of love has been more of a learning curve than a successful partner-finding exercise for me of late. I’ve learned more about why I shouldn’t be on these apps than about why I should be. They’ve highlighted a number of my own personal traits that, quite obviously, suggest I am simply wasting my time. I’m done with Bumble and I’m tired of Tinder, but I’m not walking away from the online dating scene none the wiser. Here’s what I’ve learned and why I’ll never return.

My Standards Are Too High

I swipe left so mindlessly, and for so long, I eventually close the app to relieve my thumb. Now, I’m no medical expert and I’m certainly not qualified in any form of psychology but I’m going to confidently put this mindless swiping down to one thing – standards. My closed-mindedness to the dating scene has manifested itself into standards that are so unfairly high I don’t even know what they involve anymore. Bachelor’s degree? Sigh. Plays three instruments and cooks a mean pesto? Next.

Key takeaway: if a punny bio induces an exhausted sigh, or if people’s selfies seem like more of a torturous album of self-promotion, close the app. Your headspace is in anti-dating territory right now and that’s OK. Avoid raining on anyone else’s parade with your too-high standards and revel in your anti-dating attitude alone.

Please Reply But Sorry, I Won’t Respond

On the odd chance that I do match with a potential cutie, my length of conversation is extremely limited. Depending on my mood, I may respond to the funny giphy you send me. I may even respond to your follow-up message that you also deem to be funny and authentic. But boy, if you’ve kept me interested beyond this point you’ve done well. Generally, I’m not going to respond to you but if you fail to respond to my one message, I’ll be questioning my self-worth for the entire evening. Yes, I’m a raging hypocrite.

Key takeaway: if you’ve no intention to humour a conversation and you’re bored out of your brains before you’ve even met, abort the mission. Dare to continue and you’re venturing into unrequited love territory. No one wants that; not even you, you loveless schmuck.

Apps Don’t Award Me The Self Confirmation I’m Looking For

Like most of us, I’ve turned to Tinder in times of desperation. My horrible track record with fading convos can probably be deduced to the fact that I’m generally using these apps at times I should be diving head first into my own self-care routine. A super-like may award me all of two minutes of gratification but on the whole, it’s a temporary confirmation of my worth that really, in the long run, only I can provide.

Key takeaway: if you’re turning to Tinder to fish for a few compliments, you’re certainly in the right place. But really, it’s not these people you should be banking your self-worth on. It’s you girlfriend, all you.

Tinder Is A Pastime I Don’t Enjoy

This one’s a no brainer. I’ve been using dating apps with no intention for meet-ups, and no real thirst for a gripping convo or match made in digital heaven. The simple explanation is that it’s a meaningless pastime that eventuates in two things. One: precious time lost and two: my hope for finding future bae fading into oblivion. I’m okay with that though, I’m good with just me right now.

Image Source: IMDb, Giphy. 

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