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How To Care For An Indoor Plant Like It’s Your Own Biological Child

Listen, it’s only my ninth succulent this week ok.

Children are overrated. They’re whiney, snotty-nosed tiny humans who ask too many questions and for heaven’s sake can never understand personal space when it’s needed. I will avoid children at all costs, clearly.

So when it comes to fulfilling my maternal instincts, I need another option. I need to feel like I am a necessary part of someone’s existence, like they depend on me, you know?

*Cue unhealthy plant obsession*.

I look after my plants like they are my own biological children and honestly, would recommend. Here’s how to care for them, listen to their thoughts/prayers/needs/demands like the nurturing leaf baby lover I know you can be.


This kinda goes without saying. Make sure the plant you choose is ideal for the space. Check lighting and the level of maintenance that you’re looking for.

Choose A Pot That’s Bigger Than Your Plant Base

Plants are generally bought in pots that are slightly too small. To ensure your plant grows to be strong and healthy, re-pot it into a bigger pot. You’ll need to buy soil in order to fill in the gaps and to make sure your plant is standing straight. Ask a nursery attendant for the best suited soil.

Ensure Your Pot Has Breathing Holes

Because plants need to breathe, got it? Choose a pot with holes on the bottom, this will ensure any excess water can be drained out. The alternative? Water wells at the bottom and may start to rot. Not a nice thing for your leaf baby. You may also benefit from buying a tray to sit your pot on. This will serve as a water catcher for any water that seeps through the pot.

Dust The Leaves

Over time and if your plant is located in a sun-drenched position, dust will gather on the leaves. Tend to your leaf baby once a fortnight with a water spray bottle and cloth. Gently clean the dust off the leaves and you’ll almost hear your plant whispering sweet thankyous to you.

Don’t Over Water

You may get a little carried away with your newfound green thumb and start showering your leaf baby every few days. In reality, your plant probably only needs a water once or twice a fortnight. Of course, look up the deets on your specific plant, but one quick way to know whether it needs a drink is if there is excess water in the dish below the pot. If you know you’ll get lazy, look into drip irrigation that’ll give you green friend an automatic and regular dose of H2O. If there’s water – he’s A-Ok!

Keep It Growing Straight

If your plant is starting to lean to the side, you may benefit from buying a rod to keep it growing upwards – not outwards. You can buy garden-oriented rods from nurseries or any old straight object will also do just fine. Tip: rotate your plant once in a while as it will tend to grow towards the light.

Be A Proud Mother

At the end of the day, this is your substitute for a pet or child. Tend to your plant and sit back with pride as you watch it grow. Take pics, yell encouraging words, go crazy. 

Image Source: Unsplash, Giphy. 

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