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How To Handle Your Mate Dating A Douche

We all have that one friend that enjoys their relationships with an extra serving of drama. No matter how helpful your tips are, or how watchful your eye, they keep falling into the same love traps. Snapped up faster than a venus fly trap shuts its leafy jaws. Although you may be tired exhausted by the aftermath of them always finding a way to end up in a bad arrangement, you don’t want to count them out as a friend because of their bad judgements on love.

We’ve rounded up the friendliest ways to deal with this friend. We can’t guarantee you’ll be saved from those late night, mid-breakdown phone calls but this go-to guide is sure to make the situation more bearable on your end (and hopefully for them too). Fingers crossed you can both say au revoir to the douche that’s wiggled his way between you and your best mate.

Be There And Let Them Vent

As hard as it is to grin and bear it, this is part of your duty as a friend. If it’s a solid friendship, this friend of yours has likely held your hair back as you puked, ignored a former friend, or refrained from uttering a word of a closely held secret. It’s shit listening to them whine about the person they love, because you know without a doubt they’re a douche, but sometimes you have to cop the good with the bad.

Don’t Trash The Other Person

As hard as it may be, especially when the person is finessed in the art of douchery, resist the urge to stoop to their level. Cattiness will fall flat if your friend is invested in the relationship and instead this’ll only reflect badly on you (not ideal). Don’t compromise your friendship over some boyfriend of the moment or girlfriend of the minute. It’s incredibly tempting to join in and list their flaws whilst your pal is angsty about the situation, but do all you can to resist. It’s worth a little maturity now so they’ll respect your objectivity down the line.

Avoid Talking About Your Own Issues

Just how annoying is it when someone waxes lyrical about their partner? Avoid referencing your relationship woes as points of conversation. This is a time to focus on your ol’ buddy ol’ pal, not any long stories you may have to drop in at your will. It won’t be received as wisdom, it’s likely to seem like you’re only interested in your own love life.

Give Advice That’s Obligation Free

Hey, I know this one is hard. When you’ve worked tirelessly on crafting up a solution to all their late night woes and fuck boy issues, inaction can be difficult to wear. Your dear friend is their own person and one thing to remember when they’re still meeting up with this mega douche, or still replying to their poorly worded texts, they’re obviously emotionally invested. Give your advice with the thought in mind that it may not ever come to fruition. Never an easy task, but this is your mate remember? You owe them a little leeway.

Leave Cliches At The Door

“There’s plenty of fish in the sea.” Perhaps the single worst phrase to be thrown at someone experiencing a love-related hardship. They don’t wanna know about the other fish, nor do they want to even so much as consider a different finned friend. They want the douchey fish that treats them sub par and doesn’t even bring home fish food for them to share. Ok, so the metaphor got taken a little too far, but you get the gist.

Don’t Even Think About Interfering 

Step away from the situation if you’re even slightly inclined to dip a toe in the water (bad move). The furthest you can go is crafting a text message on their behalf or assisting your beloved friend, that’s it. As much as you’re tempted to throw a drink in their face it’s not worth risking the friendship with your mate.

Accept You’re Not Getting The Full Story

Every tale and rant is grounded in your friend’s perspective. No matter how awful, there’s always another side to the story. Perhaps your pal is holding back or maybe they’re making it seem more colourful than it was, you can’t be sure. So before you go to bat for them or wonder why they’re not responding the way you had coached them – it’s probably because you don’t know the full story.

Master The Pullback

Know when to wash your hands of the drama and step aside. You don’t have to abandon the friendship, but compartmentalise the issues they’re having for your own sanity. It’s not worth your emotional state if they insist on dating aforementioned awful human (no matter how incredibly besotted they are or disgustingly attractive they may be). Move on from their squabbles and escalating arguments: they’re no longer your problem.

Image source: Thought Catalog, Vulture. 

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