When in a relationship, it can be really difficult to push aside the fact that your partner’s ex still exists. You can find yourself getting really caught up in how your partner is feeling, how their ex is feeling. You also find yourself getting lost in unnecessary insecurity. It’s important to have tools to figure out how to get over their ex and move on with your relationship.
Know It’s Ok To Be Curious
While it’s best to not dwell over your partner’s past, it’s ok to have some curiosity surrounding their past. It is completely normal and expected to have thoughts and perhaps doubts about your position in your relationship and insecurities. Saying that, however, it means you have to take extra care to understand that your fears are probably irrational and that you should not let your curiosity eat you up. The first step is to realise that you’re curious or insecure or doubtful and recognise why.
Stop Stalking Their Socials
An unhealthy, if not the most unhealthy thing to do if you’re feeling a little insecure about your partner’s past relationships, is to stalk their pages. There’s nothing worse for your mental health and self-esteem than scrolling through hundreds of pictures, posts and even past conversations. The only thing that can do is make you feel so much worse. Whatever you can do, even if it means you have to block them, try to stop going out of your way to check their pages. You probably won’t find anything after the 2nd, 3rd and 4th time you visit.
Your Partner Chose You For A Reason
This out of all things should be the most obvious. If your partner was still interested in their ex, it would be an almost guarantee that they wouldn’t be with you. Your partner chose and still chooses to be with you, and it’s important to realise that instead of focusing on something that is both unhealthy and irrational.
Focus On The Present
Once you are feeling secure enough in your relationship, it’s essential to take steps to start focusing entirely on the present. Feeling grateful for the relationship you have and the emotions you share for each other will allow you do so. Get out with your partner more, spend more time one on one and do more outgoing activities. Strengthening your bond is a sure way for your security and ability to stop getting caught up in their past.
Ask Them About It
If your concern starts to eat you up, talk to your partner. Sitting them down and telling them your doubts and fears will not only make you feel more trusting, but you will also hear their perspective first hand. The only way to make a true judgement is to hear from your partner. I have no doubt that they’ll assure you of your worth in their life. After all, they’re not dating you just ’cause.
Being insecure and doubtful about your partner’s exes and past experiences is a totally normal part of life. It’s really vital that you take the steps to remove all your doubts and feel secure and comfortable in your relationship.