I Can’t Decide If Madonna’s Chaotic Self-Isolation Energy Is Terrifying Or Relatable

“COVID-19 is the great equaliser”

Madonna is a kooky creature at the best of times. And we love her for it. But right now, I’m not sure if what we’re seeing is a celebrity undergoing an existential crisis, or a glimpse into how we’re all going to be acting on day five of self-isolation.

Madge has been been sharing updates as she self-isolates with her family during this coronavirus pandemic. Which is cute, a lot of celebs are doing it – you’re probably doing it. But it seems that she’s started to spiral into delirium, the way we are all inevitably headed.

Perhaps it started when she was tricked into believing that quarantined Italians were singing her music from their balconies. They weren’t, but her sentiments of “togetherness” were sweet.

Then she started filming her gym workouts and rehabilitation (which included some choice language). Next came a jazzy black-and-white noir short film about Madame X not dying in Paris. And then another one reflecting on the passage of time. Both of these feature Madge sitting at a typewriter.

But I think we saw the real freefall start the way many celebrities’ – musically inclined or no – have begun: through song (*cough*, Gal & co. *cough*).

Lucky for us, the Material Girl had an iconic one ready to go – enjoy Madonna performing ‘Vogue’, except, this time, we’re not letting our bodies move to the music. No

“Come on go,” she sings into her hairbrush.

“Let’s go eat some fried fish… ‘cos there’s no more pasta. Oh no.”


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Living in Special Times…………its 3 am—-cut me some slack people. 🐠🐠🐠 #quarantine #covid_19 #staysafe #becreative

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I mean, yes, it’s a mood. I really felt that first “let’s go eat some fried fish (friiiied fiish)” in my soul. Very relatable on day three when you want to go out to eat but everything is shut and supermarkets are fkn manic.

The pace started picking up at the third typewriter diary. But this time there was no jazzy music, only a moody monologue about sleep, and anxiety, and sadness.

Honestly, it’s a lot.


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But the latest video in the series might be the strangest of them all. And I believe it is the final stage in the downward COVID-19 spiral – mostly because I don’t know what the next step is after this. It’s a crash landing to say the least.

Madonna sits in a bathtub, filled with milky water and scattered with rose petals. For all intents and purposes, she looks ready for a bath, except for the chunky tangle of necklaces around her neck. She’s even burning candles. It’s very zen.

And then she starts talking, gripping the faucets and talking about how “COVID-19 is the great equaliser” while pensive piano plays in the background.

“That’s the thing about COVID-19,” she said. “It doesn’t care about how rich you are, how famous you are, how funny you are. How smart you are, where you live, how old you are, what amazing stories you can tell.”

“Like I used to say at the end of ‘Human Nature’ every night, ‘if the ship goes down, we’re all going down together.’”

K, Madge.

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No-Discrimination- Covid-19!! #quarantine #covid_19 #staysafe #becreative #brianeno

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I mean, yeah? But, also definitely not. The only thing that might be equal is the self-isolation spiral we’re all going to go down – even then, I won’t have someone to film me monologuing in a milky bath with rose petals.

I have so many questions – mostly revolving around ‘are you okay?’ – and I don’t know whether this is a glimpse into our self-isolation future, terrifying, or performance art. Or all three at once.

Maybe with the help from Madonna, who is a few days ahead of our lock-down, we can prepare for each stage of the incoming quarantine madness. Stay sane, friends.

Image Sources: Instagram (@madonna).

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