Something big happened last night.
It was really, really bad.
People are really angry and they’re demanding answers.
Damage costs are nearing the multi million dollar mark.
It was, the Instagram cull.
The digital hierarchy has been viciously re-organised overnight and celebrities now have very little basis for their overwhelming self obsessions. It’s been an unprecedented digital disaster.
Ariana Grande suffered a loss of 3 million. Our sources have disclosed she may abandon her signature half up pony tail to recover her losses.
Kylie Jenner is left devastated after a loss of 1 million.
Selena Gomez has reported she’s suffering severe PTSD following a loss of 2 million. She’s so angry she can’t keep her hands to herself.
Justin Bieber can’t comprehend his loss of 1.7 million. Insta informed him of the bug and he’s aggressively responded, ‘What Do U Mean?’
Insta reported that a bug in their system resulted in a number of reductions to follower counts and they’ve since taken to Twitter to quell what is a worldwide, anxiety fuelled wreckage of broken egos.
We’re aware of an issue that is causing a change in account follower numbers for some people right now. We’re working to resolve this as quickly as possible.
— Instagram (@instagram) February 13, 2019
Our thoughts go out to all the simpletons out there that are struggling to make it past the 500 follower mark. Unfortunately your sad excuse for an Insta empire didn’t quite make the cut for #instagramcull2019.
Please send large doses of reality to all those involved.
Image Source: Maskeraide.com, Giphy, @arianagrande Instagram, @selenagomez Instagram, @kyliejenner Instagram, @justinbieber Instagram, @Instagram Twitter,
