It’s the Aussie equivalent of Freshers, celebrating induction into the university system. While the first week may be filled with bevies, activities galore and a whole lot of new people, uni corrupts even the best of us. Soon, you’ll be skulling extra shot lattes like it’s water and seeking out end of day food like a rubbish rambler; all while hiding from your tutor. But alas, O-Week is a time of wonderment, as you approach the new year with eager eyes and a hopeful demeanour. From first years to masters students, the shit people say as the wander the stalls collecting free stuff is comedic gold.
“Do you think they’ll notice if I line up again for a free pen?”
Back in line I go.
“A free subscription to The Daily Telegraph is just a mail order litter service for my cats tbh.”
Scrap paper is fun to have though, I’m defs not a hoarder.
“If I hear someone greet me with I’m a law student one more time, I’m done.”
You are SOOOO smart and intelligent blah blah blah.
“I’m not going to miss a single lecture this year, legit though.”
Yeah and I’m not going to watch any of Bachelor In Paradise..
“No we have to walk around, the Young Libs are there and they do not take no for an answer.”
“Aw look at the newbies roaming with purpose, I miss that.”
Back in my day when I actually cared about my degree.
“See that guy over there, he got a HD thanks to my hard work on that Anthro group assignment. Freeloader.”
Seriously though, we all know one of these types.
“I feel like lecturers referencing their own papers or textbooks are just boasting, we get it you research ok.”
You’re smart. We get it.
“Cooking curry in the communal microwave should be illegal. I mean the splatter alone.”
Not cool man.
“Class at 4pm on a Friday is basically torture.”
Why do you want me to hate life?
“I think I might join the Socialist society, you know channel my inner Marxist.”
“If I see a single HSC student stretching their highlighted notes across a library desk this year I’ll lose it. Do you even pay HECS little one?”
“I mean people always rag on mature age students but I love that they answer all the questions. The tutor spends so much time trying reign them in they forget about all of us who haven’t done the readings.”
Not all heroes wear capes.
“Apparently the readings aren’t available online, environmental hazard right there. “
Not sure why they could’t download to my laptop.
“I set earlier deadlines for my international group mates so I have extra time to translate their work into proper English.”
They’re, Their, There. Don’t get me started.
“Where do the exchange students hang? Like, the Brazilian or European ones specifically.”
Yeah I’ve actually really developed a recent love for “Latin music.”
“Why does every article in the student paper read like a personal monologue on the difficulties of youth?”
You poor thing!
“Oh poor guy, he thinks I was actually going to sign up. No fucking chance.”
Pen Scribing Club? HA.
“Do you actually have to be greek to join the society? I mean the food alone would be worth it.”
Oh you poor, unwise, grasshopper.
“Look at all the politically charged slogan tees.”
“Where’s the free food at?”
Next to the Young Greens, great.
Keen to cut through the crap and land a sweet job while you’re at uni? Well BENCHMARQUE has got you all sorted out. They will (for some reason) let you sign up for free, and then put you into jobs across some of the best hospitality industries. So get involved here! Not a bad little way to earn a little extra ca$h this semester (aka pay for those midday drinks.)
Image Source: ANU