Put Sperm On Your Face, They Say. You’ll Look Younger, They Say.

I love spa day as much as the next person. I will do whatever I can to make my skin look as young as it did last year (ah youth).

Would I try a vampire facial? That’s freaky, but why not. Using a jade roller? Seems pointless, but if Gwyneth says so. Rubbing sperm on my face? Yeah, no thanks.

That’s right, sperm is apparently the hot tip for younger looking skin, according to celebrity facialist, Chelsee Lewis.

I have so many questions. But I’ll get to those later.

She told MailOnline that rubbing semen into the skin is a great way to “boost oxygen and improve circulation to the skin” to give you “an immediate glow”.

Isn’t that just the after sex glow? Well, sort of. During sex, you release a stress hormone that helps to produce collagen (apparently), and slathering sperm on your face is like, well, a high dosage of that effect straight to your chin.

Yeah, okay.

I mean, if you look at the skin of her clients – the likes of Stella McCartney, Suki Waterhouse, and Gwyneth Paltrow – she must know what she’s talking about. Right? Or are they just getting normal serums?

There seems to be some science behind it, though, because sperm masks (I can’t believe I wrote that) contain a compound called spermine “which is an antioxidant which can help reduce wrinkles, smooth the skin, prevent acne” and make you look like you’ve been drinking straight from the fountain of youth.

And that’s exactly the effect we want to achieve from our skincare regimen, but I think there are plenty less… intimate ways to get the same effect.

But, how does she get the sperm?

From donors? Or do her clients have to bring in their own little specimen cup to be turned into a mask (that is, if they have a male to help them out)?

How much sperm goes into the mask?

Is it an entire mask of sperm or does the mix it with essential oils and other special lotions and potions? I’d like to think that she isn’t slathering pure

Does she use this technique to her clients?

Do they like it? Who was the first to use it? What is their response when they learn that they’re getting a sperm facial. Is this the secret to Gwyneth, Stella, and Suki’s flawless skin?

Look, whatever floats your boat, but I think I’ll stick to the steamy towels, incense, calming music, and the lotions and potions I’m used to.

Images: GIPHY, Pexels

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