Reports Of Vegan Hysteria As EU Want To Ban Veggie Burgers

Who the friggety fudge rates tofu? [Editor: I rate tofu.] I will not tolerate this faux meat in my pad thai – it’s slimy and rubbery and when I cop a surprise mouthful of it, I will shamelessly sulk and stomp my feet. It’s horrible and dreadful and it should not be an option. Ever.

Now before you go sulking and stomping your feet over my obvious hate for this soya substance, allow me to elaborate. I am not a raging anti-veganist, nor am I devoted to sledging vegetarians – I wholeheartedly support their cause. It’s just… I don’t like tofu and that’s OK. Sling me a veggie burger, though, and I’ll have it devoured in one minute max. Now that’s something I can get around.

So fellow veggie-burger lovers, this news comes with great sadness. One member of the EU Parliament has expressed his anti-veggie burger stance by claiming he’s concerned that steak should be kept as ‘real steak’. EU legislators are worried that the rise of the veggie burger is misleading. Apparently it needs to be stopped. Apparently the beef industry is sulking about it.

Misleading Advertisement

They’ve voted for a new law to ban the advertisements of any words like ‘burger’, ‘hamburger’ and ‘steak’ on packaging that contains faux meats — or foods made up of veggie proteins. It follows a similar rule concerning any vegan dairy alternatives that are advertised as ‘milk’ or ‘butter’. It’s an all out war against the faux food lovers, basically.

What’s worse about the potential death of the veggie burger is that it’s proposed name is tragic. People reckon the new name for plant-based burgers could be… veggie discs. It’s a sad, sad day. As for the tofu burgers — you guys can happily destroy those suckers.

Image Source: Unsplash, IMDb, Giphy. 

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