It’s back. One topic, a female perspective, a male perspective. What’s yours? Firstly, we’d like to introduce ourselves to you first before we dive in. We aren’t your typical couple – we met on Tinder, Sean lives in Melbourne – I (Ola) live in Sydney (thank you Apple for FaceTime). We bicker like any couple but we definitely have strong respect and care for one another. We’re lucky enough to be the first of many He Says, She Says articles about various things in life. The first topic that was thrown at us is the rule about sex on the third date – we didn’t exactly agree on everything when it came to this; especially who’s article would go first.
She Says – Ola
Stigma = women are more respected if they wait– alrighty then; there goes society again accepting feminism. It’s sad because it’s true – there is a secret judgment when your friend tells you that they have slept with a bloke they just met.
I’m watching Californication while writing this and nearly every woman Hank meets; he sleeps with pretty much instantly.
“The male dream” according to me – Sean claims it’s the male reality… Yeah, alright babe.
How are we sure that a guy likes us? By holding back the one thing all men want – sex – glorious sex, the one thing we have control of. Most women want companionship and by holding back the one thing every man wants – we gain control and maybe, just maybe he might stay with us – not always the case.
It can be assumed that if the date is going well – you want to have sex too or at least it crosses your mind, so why not just do it (safely). You can and are the only person who should judge your actions; who cares what your mate thinks, truth is they’ve might’ve well done it themselves. If you want to do it, do it and if he calls you back great and if not that sucks, but that’s on him not you.
There shouldn’t be any rules with dating – new rule: do whatever makes you f*cking happy.
However there is no need to feel pressured into it, even if he has bought you dinner or taken you to the movies – you’re not bought. You are in charge of your body – who gets to touch it and who doesn’t. There shouldn’t be any rules with dating – Ola has just introduced a new rule: do whatever makes you f*cking happy.
Women are awfully judgmental – instead of going against each other, we should learn how to support each other (come on, its time). I was notoriously known as a food digger, I would date three guys at a time to get free food because I just moved out of home, totally unethical but it did get me through my first months of lone survival. That’s just the truth.
I dated these guys for six months and only slept with one; I’m not sorry. My housemates would make fun of these poor guys, who were desperate to get something they were never going to see. There is no rule when it comes to how many dates you have to go on for sex – Sean and I didn’t even make it past the first date and we are currently the happiest we have ever been (at least I tell him he’s the happiest he’s ever been… kidding – he actually is).
Have sex when you want to have sex and love every minute of it.
He Says – Sean
Ok, so here goes. If she’s holding off on the sex it’s because she’s holding onto to someone or something else – red flag – is she as single as she says she is…
If you’re meeting women socially in person and setting up dates or being a Tinderfella casually swiping a-top your phone screen in search of your next Tinderella, sex is likely on your agenda and it’ll be assumed anyway.
Forgive me ladies if it’s sounds black and white, but the truth is you like him enough to go all the way, why not just do it and if you have reservations about that, are apps like Tinder for you really?
Small talk aside, who’s got time to waste? These are the best years – your twenties. I’m known to some of my closest mates as “Tinder Sean”, or I used to hear often “look, look he’s at it again” or something along those lines. Sue me but I was proud of my 500+ matches. I would take girls out on dates and expect that if I felt the mood was right then something was going to go down.
If not, chances are you’d never hear from me again. Not that I would hold a grudge, but the feeling needs to be mutual and you only get one chance at a first impression.
…It doesn’t make a difference if it’s the first or third date because he’s already made up his mind if he will call you again once he’s met you.
Who wants to get into bed with the thought that you’re not their first option for the night?
If you’re actively dating, it shouldn’t only be about sex – it should be an enjoyable experience for her as it is for you. It is possible to enjoy someone’s company more than you enjoy sex. It’s important to be clear about what you want before you begin (cause you don’t want a Stage 5 clinger and trust me they’re around).
However, when you know – you know. It doesn’t matter how many dates you take her on or how many times you’ve slept together – it’s all about connection and how good you smell.
Sex on the third date is fine as long as someone’s getting it. However, it doesn’t make a difference if it’s the first or third date because he’s already made up his mind if he will call you again once he’s met you. You can hold out as much as you want, but it won’t change his mind – it will make you a challenge to see if he can get in bed with you, again doesn’t mean he will call you afterwards.
If you’re going out on a date, expect that he’s expecting it.