Career & Living, Life

The Lies We Tell Ourselves Before A Drinking Sesh

Before embarking on a drinking sesh to signify the start of the weekend, we often have a whirlwind of thoughts about the antics that encompass going out. Certain expectations precede the venture, and with those expectations, come a few lies that we’ve all probably muttered at some point or another.

“Pre-drinking with shots? Yeah nah, I’ll be fine. This isn’t amateur hour.”

If there’s anything that’ll morph grown adults into blubbering oversized toddlers, pre-drinking purely from a bottle of Smirnoff is it. You’ll probably also utter the words, “I feel like the shots aren’t working,” and take a few more. That so called ‘amateur hour’ you took the piss out of with your mates will be upon you. And as your Über nears the club, only then will you feel the full force of the alcohol consumed. Face-planting out of the Über, tripping on the sidewalk or slipping in the club (take your pick), will be imminent. God speed.

“I won’t do anything stupid. I’m totally in control of my own inhibitions.”

Ah, you little liar, you. Everyone’s definition of stupid is vastly different, however most of us end up hearing our subconscious ring a little bell and utter ‘shame’ in a mildly gruff manner. You may eat a massive cheese burger when you’re lactose intolerant. Maybe you ruin your best clothes by worming on the dirty floor (and yes, the videos of it end up on the internet.) You may even think it’s a good idea to make out with your friend within the dregs of nightlife, or on the street, or in a park. And yes, it will be awkward the next time you look each other in the eye.

“I’m not going to text them. Like.. I don’t care. Seriously, I don’t.”

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard this one (or heck, said this one myself), I’d be blowing my cash on a North Shore cottage. The fact that ‘I won’t text them’ is even put out into the open, means that you probably will. You may even have a sneaky photo or two left on your phone from the past you both shared. While there’s something sentimental about photos, there’s nothing sentimental about a number. So, do yourself a favour and block it, even if it’s just for the night. This way you won’t wake up to your phone blowing up the next morning with the, “maybe we should talk about what you sent last night?” text (gag.)

“It’s been a long week.. I totally deserve this. I’ll still get stuff done tomorrow.”

No, you won’t. Who are you even kidding? Here’s what you’ll probably end up doing: emerging from your room, frazzled, at 12pm. You’ll make yourself a big breakfast (or order it) and then slink back to bed where you’ll spend hours watching RuPaul’s Drag Race. If you’ve had a long week and have worked hard, fair enough, really. Go for gold, no regrets. Lay around like a sloth all day.

“If I pre-drink a tonne at home, it means I won’t have to spend money on drinks out. Hah, good thinking.”

The logic is totally sound when this thought process comes to fruition. However, this world isn’t perfect, and neither are we, so we tend to fail at this. We mean well, but once we’re out and we see others having bevies by the dozen, it’s hard to resist. We may not spend as much money out, but we’ll probably still end up falling asleep on the couch in the corner at 3am.

Image source: Soda Factory, Bright/ Kauffman/ Crane Productions and Comedy Central

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Hannah is a girl boss. Word writer. Cultural warrior. Lover of tacos. And generally all things that promote fab vibes.

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