in ,

All Of The Unspoken Rules In The Modern Office These Days (AKA How To Not Be A Prick)

Ahhhh if only we were still in the 1960’s and we worked in an office resembling that from Mad Men with open liquor cabinets at 9am and cigars on offer for short two minute meetings. Fast forward to the world of hot desks and standing, because sitting is apparently the new smoking. Welcome.

Shared offices are the norm, there’s usually free food (sold), occasionally dogs (need I say more?) And endless coffee. But there’s plenty of unspoken rules around the modern office – especially if you’re new to scene.

Don’t Leave Your God Damn Knife In The Sink

Let’s set this straight, if you’re going to have a second piece of toast you can at least leave that knife on your plate. But god DAMN it, please clean up after yourself after you’ve devoured 14 pieces of Vegemite crust, it’s common courtesy, dudes.

You Should Probably Do Some Work (Or At Least Try)

Sure, naps on the job are pretty tempting (if you need some reasons to entice your boss, we’ve got your back). With these shared office spaces come some pretty neat little nooks, and plenty of distractions. But be sure to (occasionally) chuck some earphones in and get shit done, because well, you’re here for a reason aren’t you?

Pats, Lots Of Pats

If you’re lucky enough to have a residential office dog, 1) I’m jealous, 2) Give that pup lots of pats and lovin’ (who’s a good boyyyyy). Extra points if you bring treats to work for said pup (and maybe for yourself, too). Office dogs are also a great excuse to get outside for a quick break if you need a quick walk to refresh.

Cookies, Endless Cookies

If you’ve landed in a good spot, you’ll have endless coffee and cookies (hello, obesity). But if you take the last cookie out of the jar, please god damn fill it back up, you cookie monster.

Royal Flush

Look, if you gotta go, you gotta go. But for the love of GOD please don’t leave that stench to linger, and use some bloody air freshener (and the toilet brush if you’ve done real well). Replace the toilet paper while you’re there, too.

Ol’ Mate

If you’ve got to talk on the phone for hours on end and can’t stand still, don’t be old mate that disturbs everyone. Take phone calls into a private room if you’ve got any on offer, otherwise take it outside. There is nothing more infuriating than old mate circling the office when you’re trying to meet deadlines and concentrate.

What Happened On Friday Night

… Stays with Friday night. If Jess & Michael hooked up, good on ’em, but let’s not start drama around here, thanks.

How to Navigate Your Mate Having a Crush on You

Joining A Gym: Expectation Vs. Reality