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There’s Talks Of A Festival Shirt Festival, Because We As A Society Just Don’t Know When To Stop

So the infamous festival shirt has reached a level of notoriety that I’m unsure a piece of clothing has ever reached before. What started as merely a humble button down, from bloody Cotton On no less, has turned Australian society into a heaving mess, an unending cyclone of meme-ception of which I am unsure we can claw our way out of.

To recap:

This all started, as innocent trends usually do, on Instagram. A FOMO-goer noticed a peculiar fixation on a striped yellow and blue shirt that punters seemed to flock to. This can only be attributed to the fact that the shirt is literally called a ‘festival shirt’ in store. There’s nothing like the name of the garment being the literal declaration of where to don it to quell all ‘what should I wear’ last-minute meltdowns. It would literally be the first thing to pop up on Google for all the simple-minded bros out there.

A humble, earnestly-made collage was shared.

What followed was what the internet does best. Taking something innocent, pure, even, and riding it into the ground. Unless you live in some sort of hovel, a cutlure-less vacuum, it was impossible to escape the inundation of those mustard and navy stripes. I started to see them when I closed my eyes.  I’ll never be able to look at either of the two colours the same again.

People ironically wearing them. People continuing to unironically wear them, but in a completely self-aware fashion, therefore making the wearing of it ironic. Deliveroo jumping on the bandwagon and offering $1 delivery of the festival shirt. When will it end?

Not anytime soon, apparently. Spotted in the depths of the abyss known as Facebook, an alarming event.

A festival shirt festival. A festival. Shirt. Festival. When will this stop? At what point do we realise we’ve pushed this too far? More than 3000 people have already claimed they’re interested. I can only hope that the collective thumping feet of 3000 peoples synchronised dancing while wearing identical shirts will open up a cavern in the floor beneath them, swallowing up the people and, with any luck, this trend as a whole.

I’m almost completely sure that this gravy train will have dried up before the event actually solidifies into anything real. Until then, should you wisht to attend, prepare accordingly.  Cotton On still offers the shirt. It’s available in 11 colours, though we all know which one you’re picking.

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