In the immediate aftermath of a breakup, you’re almost guaranteed to get the same advice: cut. them. off.
But for some, the prospect of cutting all ties with a person – especially someone who was such a significant part of your life – is impossible. So their number stays in your phone, their Instagram remains followed, you refuse to ‘unfriend’ them on Facebook.
And, hey, it may be an amicable, friendly, no-grudges breakup; but for most, this is a ticking time bomb.
It may take hours, it may take days, you might even be weeks or months down the track – you’ll get that horrible feeling in your fingers.
You’ll want to text them.
Whether it’s a casual check-in, a “happy birthday” message, sharing a funny meme (like “lol that’s so u”), or a classic drunk text, all you want to do is hit ‘send’.
Don’t. That’s never a good idea.
So if (and when) the situation arises, here are some far better things to occupy your time, and your hands.
Drink A Big Glass of Water
You’re thirsty. In every sense of the word.
90% of ex-texting desires arise under the influence of alcohol*. Get yourself some water and sober up. And if you’re not tipsy, it’ll give you an extra second to talk some rational sense into you (or for a friend to come along and stop you).
*not a legit stat, but, tbh it could be with the amount of half-finished texts I’ve pried away from my friends’ sloppy drunk hands.
Call your friends instead
It’s good to catch up with them, and they can tell you all the worst, shittiest things they did to you and remind you why they are your ex.
Try To Recreate Something From Masterchef (or just bake something)
And really get in there with your hands.
I’m talking layers of cake, ridiculous amounts of frosting, choc-chip cookies, brownies, all of the pastries. Because if you’re in the kitchen and your hands are covered in batter, there’s no way you can manage a keyboard. Also, unlike texting your ex, you’ll actually get some satisfaction from the hard work you poured in.
Get on Tinder
(or your other, preferred dating app).
There’s nothing that’ll validate you more than getting on a dating app and swiping through strangers’ and being told that your face is enough to make people like you. And, look, it may be slow-going at first, but once you get a few nibbles from the fish in the sea you’ll be entertained, feel super confident, and maybe score yourself some hot dates (if you’re really really good at it).
Jump in the car
Texting and driving is a big no-no. So you’ll get to go for a cruise, check out some scenery, head out of town, and forget what horrible mistake you were going to make.
Go Sky Diving
You can’t type when you’re hurtling towards the ground at a few hundred kilometres an hour.
Or, Rocky Mountain climbing
Or go 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu
Sit in an ice bath (or a normal bath)
One way or another you’ll be too wet or cold to use a phone.
Start watching Game of Thrones from the start
Now that it’s over, you can re-live the first ambitious episodes, and remind yourself what all the hype was about.
Get a wax
I don’t care where – brows, legs, arms, brazilian – you can’t text when you’re getting hair ripped from your body.
Call your mum, your dad, your grandparents, brothers, sisters…
Yeah, even the most annoying aunts and uncles. Call your family – because you should, and they always want to hear from you. Besides, there’s nothing like a grandparents’ storytelling to keep you from sending a bad text.
Flying toward the ground face-first with a thick elastic tied to your ankles – brilliant.
Literally, do anything but text them.
Throw your phone out the window. Have a night out. Find yourself a rebound. Hang out at a dog park and watch all the good bois go. Get your groceries. Stream all 7 seasons of Gilmore Girls. Or the best of all, read every single 5why article!
Healing from relationships is always going to be hard, and it’s always going to be messy. You need to take your time and find space between someone you may very well be attached to.
There’s probably going to be a few relapses (no one can judge you, we’ve all been there) – just remember that the sooner you quit, the sooner you’ll be living your fullest, happiest, healthiest life.
Hey, you could just get your friends to cut the ties for you?
Images: GIPHY, Pexels