What’s better than frothing over the drama of others from the comfort of your own home? Absolutely nothing. After months of waiting, the Bachie is back and better than ever, with the regular drama cabana upgrading to a beach drama cabana. From the reality trash we can’t help but love comes a range of thoughts that can probably sum up our experience of the premiere.
“I feel like I could take a nap on Osher’s hair”
His hair looks like it would be more supportive than a partner, and more comfortable than a warm bed. The coif is glorious.
“Hah, okay it’s been less than 24 hours and there’s already petty tiffs and accusations. I’m here for this”
The drama Gods delivered and like sponges, we we’re soaking it right up. Just because it seems to be less scripted doesn’t mean there’s less drama (bless.) Flo was salty at Davey, then got salty at Jake. Jake was salty at Flo. Leah’s always salty, so no surprise there. They’re all saltier than the Fijian ocean they get to swim in, and we want more.
“Regular coffee – $4. Haircut and blow-dry – $55. Seeing the look of fear in the boy’s eyes when they find out the girls are in control of the first rose ceremony – priceless”
So, the guy to girl ratio was completely off with there only being five of the boiz and nine of the gals. When it was revealed that the girls were going to kick off the first rose ceremony, watching the guys do the math of said ratio was something that gave us life.
“Tara needs to be protected, she’s too pure”
Of course, Tara’s munted Queensland accent (seriously, it’s more hectic than mine) was the first thing to grace our ears. And it wouldn’t be a proper Tara viewing without her saying something that’s so classically her. “Aw yeahhh oim singool and ready to mingool” was expressed, while having a little boogie. None of us would be complaining if Tara was our best friend. She’s pretty much the cutest human being ever, even with the faces she pulls.
“The thing that attracted Davey to Flo was her eyes? Hah, sure mate if that’s ya story”
Yeah nah, who are you kidding mate? Honestly, we may have believed this sentence if it wasn’t you, or if Flo didn’t make an entrance looking stunning in her bikini thing.
“When does Jarred arrive? I wonder if Blake will kill another one of his love ferns”
We’d all pay good money to see another love fern be born.. and for Blake to pee in the pot again. Ah, memories. We’d also pay extra to see Jarred get up close and personal with the potting mix dirt and sniff it.
“Wait, stage 5 clinger, Ali is part of this season? She’s just as obsessive as stage 5 clinger Jarred. Keen to watch them implode”
If anyone remembers the OG Aussie Bachelor from years back (we’ve come so far), then you’ll remember how Ali frothed over Tim like a puppy frothed over a piece of eye-fillet. And of course, we all remember the painful 5 minute reel of Jarred crying and wanting to bury himself in the sand after the Sophie Monk rejection. If they end up conversing they’ll be two peas in an obsessive pod.
“Is Davey actually a 12 year old inside a grown man’s body? He’d be perfect for a case study”
He makes us all want to throw up in our mouths a little bit (or is that just me?), and the back and forth between the women was strong enough to give us whiplash.
“Keira the Gemini is back and I’m not even mad about it”
It’s Keira, enough said.
Image source: Network Ten and Paramount Pictures