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Thoughts We’ve All Had On A First Date

Most of us have been through the struggle of a first date. Dating is complete chaos sometimes, and is often filled with uncertainty. This, of course, produces many consuming thoughts and questions within our squishy brains. Dating isn’t going to get any easier, so we may as well cling to the hilarity of it all. Here are some of the thoughts we’ve probable had while on a first date.

“Don’t say something stupid, don’t say somet- yep, you just said something stupid”

Oh yes, the awkward first date jitters that cause us to stutter, choke on our own spit and blurt out ridiculous utterances. This can be even worse if you’re an introvert or have social anxiety. If something dumb is said we can often try to cover it up by laughing it off, or making noised such as ‘uhhhggg’ and ‘blaaah’ before trying to carry on. But it just makes everything even weirder. Oh well, think of it as you weening out the weak. Only the strongest date will remain and find your awkwardness charming (don’t quote me on this.)

“Are we splitting the bill? Or is one of us paying for the entire thing?”

Splitting the bill or blowing cash money on the entire night can be the difference between you only ordering the entree, or having a legitimate meal. Dating can be an expensive process and we often find ourselves spending beyond our means. Honestly, just go to Maccas and spend the rest on drinks to diminish the awkwardness.

“So, if this ends up being awful, do I fake being ill? Climbing out a window seems a bit extreme”

At least 85 percent of the time it turns out to be fine, and we just chalk down our doubt to us overthinking. However, there’s the other 15 percent that rears its ugly head every once in a while. And boy, does it. What the hell does one do in this scenario without coming off as complexly horrible? Climbing out a window is a challenge. And when faking an illness, you run the risk of them wanting to care for you (depends on the level of whippedness.) Just say you have an early start tomorrow for a vague reason that you can’t bail on, apologise profusely and be on your merry way. See ya never.

“Will they judge me for ordering a bottle of wine for the table? Where’s the damn line?”

The struggle is so real when trying to decipher the etiquette of the entire date. Are they reserved? Are they keen to have a laugh and get a bit sizzled? Buying by the bottle is cheaper than buying by the glass, but this tactic can sometimes make you look like the booze version of the cookie monster.

“Are we going to snog? What if I’m gross? Or what if they’re gross? What if they have too much spit? Okay, now I’m nauseas”

The anticipation is almost too much to bare when it comes to the ‘will we/ won’t we kiss notion.’ Sometimes they go to lean over, but they’re just stretching. Sometimes they just dive right in when you least expect it and you let out a half squeal. Other times you may be so excited to mack on, only to discover that once you do, their mouth is like the inside of a washing machine and the saliva in unescapable.

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