Dating is scary AF, because the truth is no one actually knows what they’re doing and we’re all just trying to navigate this scene while causing the least damage to our self-esteem as possible. First dates are even more intimidating. Everyone keeps telling you how important first impressions are, and to be yourself, but to also not be yourself.
We get it, which is why we’ve done the hard work for you and asked a bunch of Millenial and Gen Z peeps what their biggest turn offs are. Then we turned that into a guide to not ruining your dates. Here’s what we reckon:
Get Off Your Damn Phone
“When they’re on their phone too much.” – Benish
One of the most common turn offs we got was being on your phone during a date. People, get off your damn phone. Unless this is a Pokemon catching date (someone please take me on one), or you’re looking up something relevant to your convo, there’s no need to be on your phone on a date.
It makes you seem uninterested or bored. Your date wants to feel validated, and they want to feel like you actually care about what they have to say and are paying attention. While checking your phone doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t listening, it’s not really a good look.
Don’t Be An Asshole To Service Staff
“When people are rude to the wait staff or bus drivers. Just a big red flag if they’re not nice.” – Jai
“If they don’t pick up their rubbish after they’re done eating.” – Seb
Again, these turn offs popped up a lot. TBH, I really hope I don’t actually need to reiterate this point. Please be nice to whatever staff is serving you. Please don’t make their job any harder. Just be nice to people in general. No one likes someone who gets off being a jerk to people that can’t even defend themselves for fear of losing their jobs. It’s just not cool.
Ask Your Date Questions About Themselves
“If they don’t ask any questions about me” – Caoimhe
“When they talk too much about themselves.” – Arij
It’s actually really easy to accidentally do this. You’re feeling awkward, you’re not feeling confident enough to maybe initiate questions, so instead you just talk about whatever you can to fill the silence – and what can you talk about more than yourself, right? It’s okay, it happens. I’m extremely guilty of this and hijack everything people talk about with my own experiences. Yes, I know I did it just then. You might not mean any harm by it, but it can lead your date to thinking you’re arrogant or uninterested in their life. Which obviously, is a huge turn off.
And yes, sometimes people are just assholes and purposely don’t ask you questions because they don’t care. Don’t be one of those people.
Ask your date questions, listen to what their interests and passions are and delve deeper. Follow up on things they’ve made reference to – it shows that you’re interested and invested which is super attractive.
Bonus: Guys, Please Don’t Be Disrespectful Towards Women
“When they say they aren’t feminists, or have a bad attitude towards women. And also if they treat their family badly.” – Lucy
“If they say something like “Oh I respect women but I’m definitely not a feminist.” – Lubna
“When they tell me I’m not like other girls.” – Sarah
It’s 2019, so if you’re not a feminist by now I’m judging you and would terminate that date faster than you can say “red flag.” It really comes as no surprise that quite a few of the ladies who answered us stated that they had issues with men being disrespectful towards women and feminism.
No, it’s not special when you tell us we’re not like other girls. What is wrong with other girls? Why is it unattractive to have something in common with other women? Really, it’s actually quite insulting to all women when you say one of us is better because we aren’t like the others. It says the rest of us aren’t worthy of respect. Big no. We’re out here supporting other women, and we want you to as well.
Essentially, the biggest pointers to come out of this article are that people like it when someone is polite, attentive and respectful. It might sound basic, but it’s easy to forget how you come off to another person. Listen, don’t go on your phone, ask relevant questions and don’t be a jerk. Avoid turn offs and you’ll be alright! Good luck!