Hands up if you’ve ever felt personally victimised by the line “I’m just not looking for a relationship right now.” I don’t think anyone really knows what it means or how to take it, but I’m here to do my best to decode this hated phrase. So without further ado, here’s what it means when someone says they’re not ready for a relationship.
They’re Legitimately Not Ready
Now this one will seem totally obvious, but sometimes, taking this at face value may just be the best way to respond. Maybe they’ve just got out of a long term relationship that left them a bit rattled. Maybe they just don’t have the time to invest in a relationship. And let’s be honest a half arsed relationship is worse than no relationship at all. People always have stuff going on, and maybe at the moment all they’re looking for (or all they can really handle) is just something casual and no frills.
They’re Just Not That Into You
Okay, so this one is a bit brutal, but hear me out. Sometimes when someone says this, what they’re really saying is they’re just not looking for a relationship with you. If this is the case, take it as a blessing in disguise. If you have a feeling that this is where old mate is coming from, head for the hills. Why would you want to waste your fabulous ass personality and valuable time on someone who’s not interested?
They Want All The Fun With None Of The Responsibility
I think in many cases this is the closest to the truth. A lot of the people who pull this line out of their pocket are just looking for a way to say “I like sleeping with you, but I don’t want the responsibility of committing to you.” They want the best of both worlds; having someone they can turn to, but still being able to play the field. If this works for you then by all means, go wild. But if this isn’t what you’re looking for, it might be time to let go and find someone who’s willing to give you the time and attention you truly deserve.
It’s Moving Too Fast And They’re Just Not In The Same Place As You
If someone feels like they’re getting into a situation they’re not comfortable with, often their first instinct is to just cut and run. This may be the case for old mate. If they feel like you’re further along in the relationship and developing feelings at a faster rate, they may result to trying to ease you off as gently as possible. Take this as an opportunity to talk to them about what they really want. Maybe you should consider pumping the brakes a bit. After all, you’re shit hot and deserve someone who thinks that too.
Honestly, It Just Depends
Okay, so after all of that, what it really all boils down to is context. Unfortunately there’s no one way to translate “I’m just not looking for a relationship right now.” For everyone it will be coming from a completely different place and with a different meaning behind it. Well intentioned or not, it’s still not a super helpful phrase to hear if you are looking for a relationship. And if you were hoping for a relationship to develop with this person, hearing this is a pretty clear cut sign that it’s probably not going to happen. At least not any time soon.
When it comes to dating someone new, you’ll eventually reach a point where you either need to cut your losses and run, or jump in head first and really give it a go. Unfortunately though, if you want the latter, you’re both going to have to get on board. Finding someone who truly loves and appreciates you for you is one of life’s great joys, and chances are, you won’t get to this stage with that person.