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Would You Date The World’s Most Valuable Pigeon?

He’s been variously called the Lewis Hamilton, the Lionel Messi and the Cristiano Ronaldo of the avian world. Hailed as “Belgium’s greatest long-distance bird ever”. He has a net worth, going by his recent sale value, of nearly $2mil AUD – literally a million times his body weight.

And ladies… he’s single.

That’s right – the sky’s most eligible bachelor, Armando, is ready to go the distance for you. Just whisper that name to yourself. Armando. It’s like silk. Except worth more, pound for pound.

Yes, born champion Armando’s made a new home for himself in China, living with two proud owners who are €1.25m poorer than yesterday. His former owner, Joël Verschoot, said of the bidding war, “The two Chinese [bidders] had told me in advance that they absolutely wanted Armando … but I didn’t see this coming.”

But of course… how could anyone see the sudden, blinding desire this proud and shimmering beast inspires on sight? As he struts into the grounds of St PigeoNation’s Institute, heads automatically turn in awe. They rarely catch a glimpse of the noble champion in transit, though. He’s just – too – fast.

 

I don’t want to be crass here, people but… I mean, that wingspan. It’s devastating. I can feel myself shaking as I gaze upon it. And that glint in his beady little eye – that’s a little thing we call star quality.

Armando’s closest competitor (in terms of dollar to feather ratio), Nadine, didn’t even hit half of Armando’s auction value, going for a (frankly piss-poor) €500,000. That’s nothing. Armando wouldn’t even flap for €500,000. That little clown Nadine was probably faking an injured leg just to get pity bids.

But enough about Nadine. Armando is the undisputed alpha. The king with wings. So why hold back? Why deny what your heart is saying – nay, screaming at you? He’s out there waiting. Go to him. Seek your prince. Who knows how far you’ll go together?

He does. And it’s very far.

Image: Hatoful Boyfriend

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