He’s the ‘used to be’ 40 year old virgin that’s found himself deep in a
relationship marriage he’s simply not at all digging. It’s clear that for the entirety of the show he’s extended far beyond the general comfort zone of a sexually unadventurous adult male like himself and it hasn’t served him well. Everything came to a boiling point at last night’s dinner party and it all spilled over. It was as much of a revelation for him as it was for us.
The rest of the lads were like sharks in a feeding frenzy. Matthew dropped a ripper of a bombshell that no one was really expecting, not even him. Asked if he’s having fun, he admits he’s not. The sharks probe deeper, pulling and tugging at the bait until Matthew’s inner demons all come flooding out.
“This past week I’ve felt completely and utterly lost,” he says.
“Loz has expressed to me that I don’t show her enough affection, that she wants someone who can’t get enough of her…I can’t give her that. What if the reason why I can’t show her the affection that she wants is because I’m just not attracted to her and I’m just not feeling those urges?”
Loz is sitting a handful of seats down from Matthew and in total earshot of the whole emotionally charged monologue. As the unleashing of feelings goes on it’s as though Matthew is only just realising that he’s felt pushed, forced and pressured to uphold a loving and interested facade that’s the polar opposite to how he truly feels.
For any lady or lass who’s battled with a confusing, unrequited-love-ish kind of relationship, Matthew’s explanation is the holy Gospel to describing the self-induced pressure we put on ourselves to continue with someone only because the idea of it seems like the right thing to do. As time goes on, you get caught up in the idea and image of being an item, all the while your intuition is screaming and throwing a tantrum that another part of you (the part that’s too shy to speak out) sweeps under the rug.
“It shouldn’t be an effort, it should just come. It shouldn’t have to be something that I should consciously think of and force myself to do and maybe that’s why I’m feeling lost because I’m trying to force something that isn’t there.”
His words are audible gold and he explains the emotional torment we suffer when we ignore our intuition. It often doesn’t happen out of consciousness, rather, we do it unknowingly. When you can’t understand what the flood of emotions and thoughts mean, you’re left at a loss trying to articulate anything (even to yourself).
Your intuition is still screaming but it falls on deaf, unknowing ears.
So Matthew, thank you for understanding these emotions we all too often fail to decipher. You articulated them perfectly, even for a sexually unadventurous and inexperienced used to be 40 year old virgin.
Image Source: Nine Now Website, Giphy