Dating & Sex, Life

How To Dump Someone Like An Adult

Breaking it off is like ripping off a band-aid, if the band-aid was stuck on with super glue and in love with you. Depending on how long you’ve been dating of course. Whether it’s a cheeky fling or a long term love, doing it with poise is never easy. Don’t fall into the trap of being petty and keying their proverbial car; you’re an adult you can do this.

Don’t Wait, No Excuses

It’s never a good time to break up with someone, it’s always shit. Even if you’ve been fighting day and night and bothering the people around you with your bickering for years, still shit. Don’t allow yourself to excuse yourself from doing the dirty work, it’s better to get it over and done with. Think of the person you once cared for or loved, it’s only fair to treat what was once a good thing with respect. The longer you wait the more likely you are to do a half-assed job of it, or resort to the dreaded text dumping.

Do It In Person

It’s poor form not to do it face to face; this is the easy way out for the dumper but the absolutely most heart wrenching for the dumpee. Unless your significant other was an online only lover, they deserve the courtesy of an in person dumping. You can be as delicate or indelicate as you like, but have the courage to stand by your decision to end the relationship.

Be Compassionate

It’s likely you were besotted with this person at one time or another, at least I hope so. Think of the good times when you’re calling it quits and treat the situation with compassion. Even if they ravaged your bank account, vomitted on your favourite cushion and stole your favourite tee, they deserve a mature break up – as do you. They may be shitty, but hey you’re free of them now and use that as your incentive to behave maturely about it. Petulance is not going to cut it here.

Explain But Only A Little

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t owe them an explanation. This advice is going to break from tradition, but I’m happy to stand by it. Unless you’re a chronically selfish person with an addiction to peering into reflective surfaces, it’s time you put yourself first. Often in relationships you can fall into the trap of becoming a we instead of a you and I partnership. If you’re guilty of this, start making a change now. Be clear and concise about your motives but by avoiding the in depth inner monologue, it’s going to be a much more civil conversation. If you start explaining you’re opening the door to petty insults and rehashing old arguments. Remember that time you came home messy drunk or the time you forgot to buy toothpaste? Those little tiffs become vitriol ready to be hurled with teary force. If they ask questions be honest but polite and keep your decision short and  not so sweet.

Avoid Cliches 

It’s not you it’s me, I love you – I’m just not in love with you, I need to work on myself, I think we should see other people, or the absolute worst of the bunch – we’re better off as friends, you know? Cliches are an invisibility cloak just masking the real reason and it’s childish to fall back onto these clearly overused lines. Every relationship is different and as such each break up response should be different. Be real and leave the googled terms at the door.

Cut Off Contact

It’s never a good idea to stay in touch with an ex, period. It’s a little leftover romance, perhaps some guilt mixed in and a childish optimism – but a good idea it is not. It’s almost never successful and for those it works for, good luck to you. If you’re breaking up with this person it’s incredibly unfair for you to expect them to still hang around in your life. If you’ve broken up and you’re still texting or doing them the disservice of a cheeky booty call, don’t think you’re not every bit as laughable as the whole feed of Texts From Your Ex.

Don’t Talk Shit

I don’t think I need to spell it out for you in an Aretha Fran dear, wise reader,  but I will if I have to. Recall what I said about respect? Yeah well, keeping your mouth in check post breakup is they key definer of this. It speaks more about the gossiper than the person the gossip is about, no matter how salacious your cruelties are. Intimate details shouldn’t be shared around or hurled about even after you’ve broken up, save for a few close friends when you’re in need of a vent. Think about all your dirty laundry and what they could say about you or even lie about if they saw it fit to retaliate. Being an adult isn’t always the easiest choice at the time, but long term you’ll move on quicker and easier if you take that high road.  

Make Sure You Actually Break Up

Oh god please don’t avoid it to the point of ghosting them. You know the brush off, you become ever more elusive to the point of absolutely no contact, gradually shrugging them out of your life. I know I said the text dumping is the worst, but this is a close second. If you were officially seeing this person and you’re no longer interested, that’s your responsibility to finish things off clearly. Inferring you’re out is a recipe for mammoth disaster.

Image source: Adveientures. 

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Working creative, good with words (sometimes at least), and sneaker head. When the self lacing Back to Future shoes arrive, I'm at the top of the list.

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