It’s the most wonderful time of the year indeed, but as we tell our parents what we subtly (or not so subtly) want stuffed in our stockings, and as the traditional non-PC relatives start their trail of not-really-ok shit talk, one thing often saves us. That pure piece of wisdom within a Christmas cracker/bon bon/whatever they’re affectionately known as to you – the Christmas dad joke.
And as you sit their slowly eating your overcooked ham or slightly underdone potatoes, festive paper crown on your head, that little sad dad joke just reminds you of the commercial realness that is Christmas 2k18.
So alas young elves, let us remind of you of some of the finest Christmas cracker dad jokes you’ll probably encounter this year. Because being merry and slightly let down by sub-par comedy is the truest feeling of the season.
Oh, and we’ve tee’d up each joke with the exact response you’re bound to have cause, relatable.
#2 Why does Santa need therapy? He has low elf-esteem.
#3 What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Chrismtmas quacker.
Great, animal breeding great image.
#4 What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!
How is this logistically possible.
#5 What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
#6 How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle.
Really jumping on snowman train here, aren’t we?
#7 Why are Santa’s deers always wet? Because they’re rain-deers!
Thanks for that, uncle Daryl.
#8 What do Santa Claus and my boss have in common? They’re both fat guys in suits taking credit for all my work.
Yikes, that one skipped the quality control factory.
#9 What do you call a cat in the desert? Sandy Claws.
#10 It was Christmas time at the office and everyone was feeling Merry. So Merry got up and left.
Well this is awkward.
#11 Why does Santa have such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year.
Okay seriously, which perverted uncle wrote these?!?
#12 Why can’t a bike stand up by itself? It’s two-tyred.
So we’re just like not even making them remotely Christmas-themed anymore?
#13 Who’s Rudolph’s favourite singer? Beyon-sleigh.
#14 What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson.
Every middle-life crisis uncle and dad will love this one.
#15 What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps.
AGAIN WITH THE SNOWMEN.
#16 What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit? A Krisp Kringle.
You really KRACK me up.
#17 Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside.