Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson are all locked up in quarantine after testing positive to coronavirus. Of course, everyone freaked out when the world’s dad made the announcement on his Instagram (in true 2020 fashion), but Hanks’ latest post has caused another mass-freak-out.
It was innocent enough, posting a snap of his breakfast with a stuffed kangaroo (holding an Australian flag) and a koala clutching a squeeze bottle of Vegemite. Ah yes, we thought, he’s giving the old faithful yeast extract a crack. Until you actually look at the plate: two pieces of toast – normal – slathered in Vegemite – whoa dude.
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Now, I love Vegemite – I could eat it by the spoonful – but not even I would put that much on my toast. That’s a next level smearing.
There are only three reasons why he would put that much on:
One, he’s made a classic American mistake of thinking Vegemite is the same as other breakfast spreads like Nutella or peanut butter. It might explain why there’s only one bite then out of it.
Gee, that’s a lot of Vegemite..
— Michael Rowland (@mjrowland68) March 15, 2020
All of the comments here from Aussies about how that is a LOT of Vegemite and then notice there is only one bite taken out. Love it. Get well soon, you guys! ❤️
— Amee Vanderpool (@girlsreallyrule) March 15, 2020
Tom Hanks is going to die from Vegemite isn’t he. https://t.co/s2DCvKoWuy
— Neil McMahon (@NeilMcMahon) March 15, 2020
Two, he’s fighting coronavirus with nuclear levels of Vegemite. And, frankly, it might be our only viable treatment at the moment.
okay you need to scrape around 60% of that vegemite off, otherwise it’s gonna be nasty and hurt your mouth friend.
— Amy Thunig (@AmyThunig) March 15, 2020
Cripes, we’ve given him coronavirus *and* Vegemite. https://t.co/5RdnsZVRb7
— Greg Jericho (@GrogsGamut) March 15, 2020
Three, he’s been fully assimilated into the Australian breakfast-eating way of life and loves Vegemite toast soldiers. His Australian citizenship ceremony will be expedited. He will revoke his title as America’s dad, move here permanently, and become our next Prime Minister.
Okay maybe not, I’m going with the first two.
Frankly, I don’t know whether to applaud or fear Tom if he got through the rest of that toast. But either way, it’s some hero-level spreading going on there, and maybe he and Rita are on to something by pitting COVID-19 against Vegemite. I mean, our soldiers fought wars forged with Vegemite on toast (did they? I’m no historian), surely it can kill a virus.
Whatever it is, Tom, if you’re listening, go steady with the Vegemite – you’re gonna need a whole lot more than that squeeze bottle if you’re laying it on that thick every morning. Get well soon, ya yeast beasts.
Image Sources: Instagram (@tomhanks) Giphy (@Imbd)