I really wanted to forget about Gwenyth Paltrow’s slow decent into madness when she started advocated wacky health remedies with absolutely no medical background but lots of rich-white-woman influence. Alas, life just isn’t fair.
Ditching acting to pursue a lifestyle brand, Paltrow started her project Goop, which I don’t even want to explain lest the anti-vaxxers hear.
KEEP THIS SCAM AWAY FROM US THANK YOU pic.twitter.com/iHMHep5SCN
— ayesha ✨ (@GirI0fSteeI) January 6, 2020
Despite being called out for being straight up dangerous to people’s health, a scam, and being fined $145,000 by regulators for selling harmful shit, Gwenyth Paltrow is now getting her own reality TV series on Netflix. As you do.
The trailer is super awkward, with Paltrow’s voice and speaking constantly sounded stilted, robotic and uncomfortable – maybe she accidentally got a jade egg stuck up her v-jay?
Anyway, Twitter is roasting the absolute fk out of the trailer because, why wouldn’t you, and we’re super happy to jump on the bandwagon. After all, the Netflix show is literally using the fact that Gwenyth Paltrow is “dangerous” and “unregulated” as part of their marketing – WTF? Like, surely this is not a selling point for her insane health remedies that have been disproved heaps of times.
Here are our fave Twitter roasts, because fuck Gwenyth Paltrow’s health misinformation.
Excited to announce I’m partnering with Gwyneth Paltrow on a male-focused counterpart to Goop called “Gunk.”
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) January 6, 2020
“Today in the Goop Lab I’m gonna vaginally inject 2 cups of pulverized raccoon bone to prevent a condition I call “The Lazy Lady”. Then we are opening up my abdomen and stuffing it with full of magician grade scarfs soaked in essential oils. This is science. I’m a scientist.” https://t.co/iLigBnUHoP
— Level 9000 Ya-drew Druid Drew Davenport (@The_Davenporter) January 6, 2020
the most horrifying thing abt this is the word “lab” which implies some sort of science which goop has NOTHING to do with!! also the boldness of gwynnie coming to us from a vagina — a place she told us to stick jade eggs!!! this whole show is a danger to our health!! https://t.co/dWRyfPHMTY
— Amanda Rosenberg (@AmandaRosenberg) January 6, 2020
I feel like all you need to know about this preview is that the sex toys Goop actually sells at its stores are all super lame infantilizing beginner crap for repressed rich ladies https://t.co/84uxhApcjv
— Amanda Mull (@amandamull) January 6, 2020
“I have figured it out.”
“Oh, hey, Gwyneth. Figured what out?”
“What Goop truly is.”
“It’s me. I’m Goop. I am its manifestation.”
“Put me in your hoo-ha. All of me. I am the Jade Egg. I am STEAM.”
“Gwyneth, are you high again?”
“Yes. High on GOOP.” https://t.co/oXVFCeLUft
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) January 6, 2020
Forget the Goop Lab – try the Boop Lab! Not only is there actual scientific evidence for the health benefits of having pets (eg https://t.co/tM9yxYx3vW), they’re also really adorable and don’t need to be, um, inserted anywhere. Adopt a great pet today: https://t.co/BoOaqehnSk! pic.twitter.com/w1K1u8yVzV
— Morris Animal Refuge 2020 (@MorrisAnimal) January 6, 2020
I’m incredibly disappointed that Netflix is giving this pseudoscience bull shit a platform. Goop is not scientifically tested. Gwyneth Paltrow is not a health care professional. Her advice is harmful. This is incredibly inappropriate and irresponsible of @netflix https://t.co/sqdngSmRbr
— red | combat ready (@RedeadLauren) January 6, 2020
Goop plays on women’s very real anxieties about medical misinformation and distrust of their lived experiences to peddle snake oils that enrich its founder and do nothing to improve women’s health, challenge hierarchical power in medicine, or improve our connection to our bodies. https://t.co/4RbU6XIPD8
— Lauren Rankin (@laurenarankin) January 6, 2020
Image Sources: Twitter