Rejection never feels good. Whether you’re on either end of the conversation, it can be a pretty shitty situation to be in. And I don’t know about you, but having to let someone down always makes me anxious. Finding the line between being clear but not hurtful can be a difficult thing to skirt. You want to make sure they get the message, but you don’t want to shit all over their self confidence.
Well never fear, we’ve teamed up with headspace and pulled together some of our years of incidental field research to give you this edition of our Swipe Right series, with some hot tips on how to let someone down easy.
No one like to hear “it’s not you, it’s me”. Not only is it almost always untrue; it’s so overplayed it’s practically the Hallmark of breakups. So try to avoid falling into those Hollywood moments as a whole with them. Not that there’s anything wrong with them — you’re just not the right match for each other.
Try to be sincere and let them know that while you have felt something for them, you just don’t feel that spark anymore.
Start Off With A Compliment
This might come off as negging, but really, it cushions the blow in an amazing way. Letting them know that you had a great time before you tell them that you don’t want to see them again is the best method. Try something like, “Hey, thanks so much for dinner, I had a great time. It was so nice to meet you! I just don’t know if we really clicked.” It gets the message across without being unnecessarily harsh.
Don’t Agree To Another Date Unless You Mean It
It can be all to easy to just say “yeah sure!” if your date suggests a second at the end of the night. And while it may feel like the best thing to do at the time, if you don’t mean it it makes things way more awkward further down the track. If you don’t want to turn them down to their face, a simple “I’m crazy busy at the moment, why don’t you text me later and I’ll let you know” is vague enough to get the point across kindly.
Rip The Bandaid Off
Don’t wait too long to let them know that you’re not interested. No one likes being stuck in dating limbo. If your date texts you asking for round two, try to text them back within 24 hours letting them know thanks, but no thanks. Drawing it out too long can just add to the awkwardness, and no one likes being ghosted. Of course, if they never get in touch then no worries, you’re off the hook!
Definitively End It
If you’re not interested in talking to them again, make that clear. I’m not saying tell them to fuck off or say something like “see you never” or whatever. But a simple “thanks for understanding, bye” or a “best of luck with everything!” is a pretty easy (and polite) way of saying ‘please don’t drag this out’. If you let someone down, make it clear.
There you go! You’ll probably have to use one or all of these techniques a few times in your life, whether on a Tinder match, a blind date or someone just taking their shot. Now you know how to let someone down without totally crushing their heart – but if you need some extra help, check out headspace’s tips to dating and relationships right here.
Image source: Screen Gems