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Things I Learnt After Leaving Toxic Friendships

We’ve all had one, and it’s hard to recover sometimes.

Forget relationship break ups – losing a friendship is so much worse. Toxic friendships hurt because you never see them coming. I guess with relationships, you kind of know deep down that either you’ll break up, or you’ll be together forever. But with friendships? I find it so much worse. That shit is meant to be forever, because it’s not like there’s a platonic version of break ups. You never see the betrayals coming, and it’s so much harder to trust the rest of your friends afterwards. Here are a few reminders for those of us struggling to get back on our feet after we’ve had bad friends.

It’s Okay To Ask For Things

Coming out of a bad friendship takes strength, but it can also make you insecure. I find that I will struggle to feel like it’s okay to ask for support, because I don’t feel like I deserve it. This is a gentle reminder that it is fine to ask for things when you need it, be it help of favours or just some friendly company. Good friends will be happy to help you out, and you’re not being a burden.

The same goes for even random stuff like gifts, or asking to go somewhere together, or if they can do this kinda inconvenient thing for you. If you ever feel like it’s not your place to ask your friend for something, or you’re embarrassed to be asking for help, think this: would you do it for your friend if they asked? If the answer is a loud “yes!”, then go ahead and ask on. You deserve to receive the love you put out into the world.

Putting Yourself First Sometimes Doesn’t Make You A Bad Person

The thing about coming out of shitty friendships is that they can make it hard to be around people sometimes. You kinda just want to be alone, because you know you can rely on your own company. Now, I definitely don’t recommend that you lock yourself in your room and mope about all day. Spend time with people who love you. However, if you keep guilting yourself into going out when all you need is a break, stop. You can totally take a day off away from people and just like, binge Friends.

And if you’re really worried – then do all your bingeing and pizza-eating with someone else. You need to take care of yourself emotionally, and you need to stop sacrificing yourself at the expense of others. Give yourself some TLC to keep you energised, so that when you do go out, you genuinely enjoy it. Plus, it’ll show when you actually want to hang with your friends and when you don’t. This way, everyone’s happier.

Your Other Friends Are Not Going To Abandon You

Your other friends care about you! They shouldn’t be punished for the actions of your previous toxic friend! It’s so easy to paint everyone with the same brush, and start treating all your friends like they’ve been abusive. It’s a real slippery slope, and it’s scarily easy to fall down the rabbit hole where you stop trusting others and isolate yourself so you don’t risk getting hurt again. But the truth is, most of us are out here loving and supporting our pals, and doing the best we can. Don’t freak out and cut everyone off to save yourself. Take a breather, maybe a self care day, and then soldier on. Give your friends a chance to be there for you, because you’ll be surprised how  many of them will pull through.

Keep your head up high, know your worth, reach out to people who love you, and take frequent breaks. That’s how I get through my toxic friendships. When a close friendship turns abusive and then ends, it can feel like the end of the world. You start to lose the vision of who you were before everything went south, but it’s okay. Build a new one. Rebuild yourself and your relationships. You are more than whatever your toxic friendships made you out to be, and you got this.

Image Sources: GIPHY, NBC, CBS, Pexel: richi choraria. 

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