All The Ridiculous Things We’re Sick Of Hearing About Buying A House

Well well well, if it isn’t the classic mix of millennials, buying a house and baby boomers. We seem to cop it from our elders when it comes to any financial responsibility, especially when it comes to buying a house. It seems that the huge time difference and economic differences cause notable disagreements between the two splitting generations. Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to buy a house, formed on all the advice I’ve received over time.

Step One – Inherit A Ridiculous Amount of Money

You’ll need to have an unfortunate death in the family and you’ll need to inherit all the funds. This will kickstart your savings account and have you a sweet house deposit in no time. Not from a wealthy family? Well, you should’ve picked better parents. Bad luck.

Step Two – Be Born Earlier

If you can’t inherit a ridiculous amount of money, be born earlier. This way you can take advantage of affordable house prices and a scaled economy. If you were born after 1980, you’re in no luck. Don’t make this mistake again.

Step Three – Work MORE

Are you only working 60 hours a week? You need to work MORE. There are 168 hours in a week, utilise them ALL. Earn those dollars. Sleep is for the WEAK.

Step Four – Get A Free Education

Refuse to pay for your Uni education and refuse a HECS debt. Refuse to pay for textbooks too they’re too expensive and those dollars could go towards a house! Heck just fail Uni and don’t worry about it. Land a full-time job with no degree and refuse anything less than $60K.

Step Five – Don’t Ever Leave The House

Well, I mean, you probably don’t even have a house to leave. But don’t leave your parents house or your share house, because that means you’ll inevitably spend money. Think you can catch a bus? Nope. That $2 can go towards saving a house. Thinking of going for a walk? Think again, you’ll probably end up spending money on quenching that thirst. Thinking of making yourself comfortable at home? Don’t. Electricity costs money, water costs money. Live uncomfortably, be dehydrated and cold, your savings account will love you for it.

Step Six – Wither Away

Avocado’s are the only suitable food for millennials. But these are the root of our inability to buy a house. So don’t buy avocados, but seeing as you’re a millennial, you can’t eat anything else. Just wither away. Save money!

Step Seven – Successfully Buy A House

It’s as easy as that! Just follow those six simple steps and you’re good to go and buy your own penthouse apartment in the Northern suburbs of Sydney! It’s that simple!

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