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How To Go On A Bender And Live To Tell The Tale

Don’t wake up dead.

It’s that time of year when you’re bound to have a couple of benders scheduled in for the next few months. And whether you’re the greenest rookie or the most seasoned ‘expert’ (so you think), it’s going to take a lot more practice to make it through a bender in one piece.

That’s why we’ve done the work for you. Look no further than our go-to survival guide to get you through each phase of your next bender. From the first sip to the hopefully-not-too-bad landing back in reality.

Phase 1: Pre-Bender

You’re gearing up for a big one. It’s an exciting time. But remember to take it easy; this is a marathon, not a sprint. There are a few things to take into consideration in the lead-up to the bender, whether it’s a festival, a long weekend, or just having a session with endless kick-ons.

Eat & Hydrate

Line your stomach with some good grub so you don’t end up on the floor after two drinks. And hydrate with water so you don’t start dehydrated and start drinking your way into negative hydration levels. Skip this step and it’s Game Over before the game begins.

Pro tip: Gatorade is your best friend. Sugar, water, electrolytes, salts, and minerals. One for me pls.

Get Your Affairs In Order.

Especially if you’re dividing and conquering.

Get your valuables in a safe place before it gets too crazy (we’ve made another survival guide for festivals here). That doesn’t mean in a pocket – we’ve all lost something because we thought it was safe on our hip. Rookie error. Organise an obvious meeting place for re-grouping. Stock up on the necessities like water and snacks (lots of snacks). You’ve got to think like your mum would if you’re going to be completely incompetent for the foreseeable future. 

Phase 2: Mid-Bender


How many days is this bender going for? It’s time to do a little more fine-tuning of this guide if you want to make it through your bender alive. With all your limbs and sanity intact, of course.

Keep The Natural Flow Of Life

Follow your normal eating schedule. Keep regularly drinking water (no, it won’t fully sober you up) (but that probs wouldn’t hurt). Get a sharpie and write that on your arm, because you’re gonna forget. Or, at the peak of your booze buzz, you’ll think you’re immune to human weaknesses like hunger and dehydration.

But you’re not. If you forget to keep up with fundamental human functions, you’ll crash and burn in a fiery blaze of tragic glory. You. Are. Not. Invincible. You just feel like you are. But you’re not. Suss our all the possible food options – BYO snacks or nearby food trucks

Check-In With The Rest Of Your Bendees

Just because you’re having a blast, doesn’t mean everyone else is. And just because you’re at your perfect level, doesn’t mean your mate isn’t completely legless and in serious trouble. Or vice versa. Everyone has different intake levels, so you’ve got to look out for each other. Keep an eye out and be safe, no matter how fucked you are.

And if things are going downhill, buddy up and fix it. Find some food. Find some water. Get to a bathroom (hair ties may be required). Sit it out and breathe for a second, then join the party when you’re back at peak performance. 

Phase 3: Post-Bender

The morning after your last drink is the hardest part. The booze has worn off, you start to get normal sensation back in your body. But, wait, everything hurts (and where did that bruise come from?). Your body is a temple, and now is the time to restore it to its former glory.

Re-hydrate. STAT.

Water, coconut water, cordial, green tea, Gatorade or Hydralyte, Berocca. Get it into you. Now.

This is all part of prepping right, make sure you’ve got all of these pre-, mid-, and post-bender essentials on hand so you don’t have to trudge to the servo, supermarket, or pharmacy and deal with chipper retail workers if (and when) you’re feeling like death warmed up.

Get A Solid Feed.

Eat. Eat until you are full. Even if you’ve used up your cheat day and you’re a health food fanatic, getting a greasy feed will do you wonders for waking your body back up. Get whatever you need, plus some fries. They are not an option, they are essential. The deeper the fry, the better the recovery. 

Cancel All Plans.

However you zen-out, do that. Whether it’s exercising (maybe not HIIT, but, hey, if you’re feeling up to it), or a Netflix session, or a deep sleep. Clock off and recharge your batteries. Block out a big fat chunk of time (hell, why not a whole day) for you to do you.

Heed our advice, and we’re sure you’ll make it through.

We believe in you.

Image Sources: GIPHY, Instagram (@lanewayfest)

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