The lead up to getting sexy with someone can be the most exciting part of the whole process. Tension’s building, hands are roaming, mouths are clashing. You’re ready to tear off any remaining clothing and get to business. So the last thing you want is to have the mood destroyed by something very avoidable.
This interruption can come from anywhere and anything, but the glass shattering effect is always the same. It happens to the best of us. So, here’s some of life’s most unwelcome interruptions, and how you can try to stay clear of them.
Getting A Call From Your Parents
Now look, I’m sure you love and respect your ma and pa. They gave you life, they clothed and fed you, maybe even ran you through the basics of how to do the sex you’re about to do. That being said, there are definitely a few times when they’re the last people you want to hear from. Being naked and sweaty with another person is one of those times. Unfortunately there’s not a lot you can do in this situation once it’s happened.
If you did happen to bring your phone into the bedroom, once that starts to ring and your mum’s smiling face pops up, there’s not a lot left but to try to avoid eye contact with her. Think of this as a learning experience. Leave the phone in another room, chuck it on silent, throw it under the bed/lounge/table/car seat/whatever, and hopefully you’ll never have to think about your mum while you’re getting drrrrrty ever (ever) again.
Falling Off The Bed
Look, if I’m totally honest, I would find it hilarious if a dude I was ding dongin suddenly disappeared into the void. That being said, it could kill the mood quite a bit. First of all, there is the potential for minor injury to occur, which would absolutely be a downer. Second, no one looks sexy trying to pick themselves off the floor, least of all when they’re naked and sweaty and shocked at the sudden lack of sex happening to them.
The best way to avoid this is just try to be aware of your surroundings. At least initially when you’re about to get going, just take a mental lay of the land and familiarise yourself with where everything is. Make sure you know how much distance is between you and the edge of the bed so you don’t go tumbling off. Alternately, you can’t fall if you’re getting busy on the floor to begin with.
Much like your parents calling, this mood killer is a hard one to predict and prevent. In this day and age, getting a sudden visitor is a rarity, and if you’re doubly unlucky enough to have it happen when you’re about to get it on, then my dude, the stars are not in your favour AT ALL. Hopefully if you ignore it they’ll just go away and text you whatever is was they needed to tell you (y’know, like a normal person). If all else fails and old matey just keeps knocking, you could always try being extra loud so they get the hint and kindly bugger off.
Also, if you’re the proud parent of a particularly curious or needy animal, probably best to keep this in mind before you wanna get weird. Put them in the laundry, give them a toy and some food and hope it keeps them distracted. This is gonna be your best hope for keeping mans best friend from being your biggest cock block.
Accidental Expulsion Of Bodily Gasses
Look, no one’s gonna blame you for this. Shit (no pun) happens, and when you’re all kinds of contorted sometimes your body does some things you didn’t tell it to do. Whether it’s a lil booty poot or a full on belch in your partners face, the releasing of gasses while in the throes of passion is sure to cause at least somewhat of a mood pause. At worst (depending on how offensive the gas is) a full on halt.
My advice is to try to laugh it off. Everyone farts, it’s no big deal. As long as you don’t follow through, you’re safe. But for future reference, if you think there’s some lovin’ coming in your near future, maybe lay of the beans.
Saying The Wrong Thing
This can come in the form of a couple different things. Maybe your dirty talk took a wrong turn. Maybe you meant to say “baby” but for some reason “daddy” came out instead. Or worst of all, maybe you said the wrong name. It happens, and it can cause some serious confusion and embarrassment for both you and your partner.
The key with this one is confidence. Try not to get too caught up in what just happened. As long as it was a relatively innocent slip of the tongue you could just try to laugh it off like “woah that was weird” and keep on going. But if you said the wrong name, I’m sorry friend but you’re on your own – no good mood is coming back from that. If in doubt stick to the basics; “oh yeah” “keep going” and general moaning sounds are your friends.
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