Political parties in Australia aren’t your average democratic kind of situations. They’re loud, they’re colourful, they feature a shitload of ‘sauce’ and quality bants. Bants about soliciting millions of dollars in foreign donations to weaken Australia’s gun laws. You know, the standard. In light of increasingly insidious gun violence, this seems the most logical and reasonable response, don’t you think?
Holy heavens I wish this were a joke. But it’s not, and now we’re dealing with the aftermath. Well, everyone but Pauline Hanson. She’s excluded from Australian politics for a while due to a tick bite.
Pauline is taking a small hiatus from the top dog role of One Nation to tend to her mangy face. She has informed a number of sources that a tick bite has rendered her ‘unrecognisable’ and facial paralysis has knocked her out for a while. Ugh, those pesky ticks are a serious and underrated issue. Shall we amend the cash for cane toads campaign to include these pesky ticks, Pauline?
I was shocked & disgusted with the Al Jazeera hit piece. A Qatari government organisation should not be targeting Australian political parties. This has been referred to ASIO. After the full hit piece has been released I’ll make a full statement & take all appropriate action. -PH
— Pauline Hanson 🇦🇺 (@PaulineHansonOz) March 27, 2019
All the while, her political offspring, One Nation, is dealing with the aftermath of some extremely shady activity. In a nutshell, One Nation’s James Ashby and Steve Dickson met with the National Rifle Association (NRA) in the States. They got “on the sauce” for a few hours and just happened to reveal they’d be willing to accept up to $20 million to loosen Australian gun laws. Turns out one of the boys, Australian reporter Rodger Muller, was undercover for Al Jazeera. This meeting was set up as one small part of a much bigger, three-year investigation into the NRA.
As a result of some very regrettable glasses of scotch, Ashby and Dickinson unleashed with a few career ending one-liners. Some of the zingers included:
“The ingredients are there, we just don’t have the petrol to put in the engine.”
“You’d have the whole government by the balls.”
Rather conveniently, Hanson is nursing her insect-warped head so she physically can’t tend to the PR battle that’s encroaching upon her party. Whilst we want to send her a get well card, we’re coughing down the temptation to erupt with laughter over her excuse. Pauline, darl — you ok?
Image Source: @PaulineHanson, Giphy, PixaBay.